


Give Me a Sign

by wordslinger



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, jerza - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordslinger/pseuds/wordslinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jellal thought that running away was the hardest thing he'd ever done but one late night phone call would prove him wrong. Returning home and facing all the things he'd left behind was a much bloodier battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta MeeraNaamJoker/PartlyGood

**M A Y**

* * *

 

**_"_ ** _You’re so lucky,” Simon mused. He smiled crookedly at Jellal as his eyes flitted from the road to his friend in the passenger seat._

_“Yeah? I don’t feel very lucky sometimes.”_

_“But you are! Erza is so special and amazing. How can you not feel like every day is… special and amazing?” Simon laughed at his own lack of words._

_“At least you have parents,” Jellal muttered._

_“Hey, I’m sorry, man. I wasn’t even thinking.” Simon cringed and looked over at Jellal again._

_“It’s fine. I’m just a sad drunk, I guess.” Jellal turned his head to stare out of the window and into the darkness. “You should probably keep your eyes on the road.”_

_“Listen,” Simon slurred slowly. “I know you and Meredy had a shit year but I wa –“_

_“Holy shit! Simon! Could you fucking pay attention?!” A truck whizzed by, flashing headlights and blaring a horn at them, and Jellal wished he’d taken Simon’s keys when he’d had the chance. The guy had always been a lightweight, despite his size, but he’d only had a few beers at the party and Jellal hadn’t thought him so drunk as to be barred from driving. He was starting to think otherwise._

_“Yeah, but seriously,” Simon frowned at the dark stretch of road in front of them and squinted a little. They were approaching a tight, but familiar, curve. “Sometimes I just wi –“_

* * *

 

            “And what happened next?” The woman in the sleek black chair asked. Jellal glanced up at her in surprise. He’d almost forgotten she was there.

            “It’s… kind of a blur, really. I remember graduating high school earlier that day, and the party later…” He paused and stared hard at his clasped hands that were beginning to sweat. “I remember the police lights… and the ambulance. There was –“ Jellal’s eyes squeezed shut and he tried to take in steady breaths but his heart rate was climbing again. He _hated_ this. He’d worked so hard to _redirect_.

            “We don’t have to continue if this is too difficult for you, Jellal.” Doctor Milkovitch’s voice echoed in his head, not quite slicing through the building anxiety.

            “I’m fine,” he gasped. “The, uh, the paramedics came and someone pulled me from the car… no wait… I was –“ Jellal tightened his hands into white knots. “I wasn’t in the car, I’d been thrown. My seatbelt… I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt that night. Simon was trapped and they –“ He still remembered the blood. There’d been a lot of blood. “He wasn’t… whole.”

            “I see.” She scratched something into her notes and crossed her legs. “Why don’t you tell me about what happened two months ago?”

            “It wasn’t even a formal call,” Jellal started. “We were parked outside the restaurant eating dinner – er _, I_ was eating dinner. My partner was scratching lotto tickets. He has a thing for them, I guess. The crash happened right in front of us and the smaller car’s bumper actually flew off and broke a storefront window across the street.” He closed his eyes and tried to remember. “They were just fucking kids, you know? The driver of the truck was so damn drunk he couldn’t even speak properly. I wanted to deck him.” Jellal glanced up at Doctor Milkovitch after the admission.

            “I’m not here to judge you, Jellal. We have doctor-patient confidentiality.” He nodded and went on.

            “I knew right away the kid driving was dead. His entire torso had been driven through by the steering column.” His legs started to bounce. It was a new habit. “But his face… goddamn that fucking face of his. He looked so much like – like Simon and I just…” Jellal scrubbed his hands over his own face and regretted it. They’d been sweaty and he somehow felt worse. “I just kind of stared. Like a fucking rookie I stared. My partner shoved me out of the way and pulled the girl from the passenger seat. She’s still in the hospital, I hear.”

            “Jellal –“

            “I’m thinking of quitting my job.” Doctor Milkovitch raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and her pen stopped moving on the page.

            “As in extending your leave of absence?”

            “No, like quitting.” She leaned back in her chair and eyed him carefully.

            “That’s a big decision. What will you do instead?”

            Jellal sighed irritably. “I don’t know. Walk dogs in the park for rich people?”

            “I think maybe you should consider an extended leave before acting on what you’re feeling right now.”

            “Maybe,” he mumbled as the egg timer chimed.

* * *

 

            Jellal stared at the yellow light emanating from inside his microwave. He’d just as soon skip dinner but his stomach had disagreed. The rain outside pounded the windows and besides the small, sallow glow in front of him the rest of his apartment was dark. He couldn’t have said what was in the plastic dish, only that he ate it.

            He almost let the call go to voicemail but an unsettled feeling in his gut told him Meredy wouldn’t have dialed him if it wasn’t important. Reluctantly he answered.

            “Hello?”

            “Jellal,” she said softly. “I need you to come home.”

            “Meredy –“ He perched on the edge of a couch cushion and hunched over.

            “Don’t start with me, Jellal. I need you.”

            “Did something happen?”

            She hesitated and Jellal started counting seconds. “Yes.”

            “Is it bad?” Meredy sighed on the other end of the line.

            “I’m pregnant.”

            “That isn’t funny.”

            “It wasn’t a joke.” He believed her but wanted desperately not to.

            “But you’re –“

            “Not fifteen anymore! _Okay?_ ” She was silent again and Jellal knew his sister was about to mount a verbal attack. “Life didn’t just stop here when you left! I had to pick up all the pieces and carry on. It’s been almost eight years, Jellal,” Meredy offered in a softer voice. “Can’t you get over it yet? For me?”

            “Yeah, okay,” he finally whispered. “I’ll come.”

            “Thank you, Jellal. I’ll see you soon?”

            “Soon.”

* * *

 

            His resignation was tendered and accepted with disbelief on the part of his superior. Jellal fell back on the family emergency excuse – which was even more of an oddity considering he’d never mentioned his family previously despite four years of employment in central Crocus.

            “I admit this is a bit of a surprise, Fernandes,” Captain Neekis said after reviewing his packet. “I know that mess over on the east side was rough for you but a full resignation? Can I ask why? Family emergency isn’t very descriptive.”

            “My sister is pregnant,” Jellal mumbled looking anywhere but Jura’s face. “She’s not handling it well, I guess.”

            “I see. Well I don’t think I have to say that you’re welcome back here at any time, and I’ll give a glowing recommendation to any future department. Jellal –“ Jura shifted in his seat. “That shrink you’ve been meeting with – the one the department assigned – how’d that work out for you?”

            “Fine, I guess.” Jellal shrugged. “Did she not submit her evaluation?”

            “She did,” Jura hedged. “But I’m more interested in what you had to say.”

            “The incident just reminded me of something that happened a long time ago. It shocked me, is all.”

            “Well there’s nothing in the psych-eval that would prevent you from returning to work if you wanted; this department or any.” The Captain gestured widely but continued to study Jellal’s face closely. “You’re not coming back, are you?”

            “I don’t think so, sir.”

            “Well, that’s a shame, but I’m sure you’ll do fine where ever you go.”

            “Thank you, sir.” They shook hands firmly and Jellal walked out of the fire station for the last time. He didn’t look back.

* * *

 

            All of his belongings fit into a small rental trailer that could easily be towed by his car. He brought no furniture and signed over possession of everything he left behind to the landlord. When Jellal merged onto the road out of Crocus – the one that would lead him back to Rosemary – he felt both lighter and heavier.

            Rosemary was a small town both in size and mentality. He and Meredy had grown up there and until the death of their parents, he’d never considered leaving. Before his senior year of high school life had been idyllic – loving family, annoying sister, gorgeous girlfriend… Jellal hadn’t thought of Erza in years. Not while sober anyway. On nights when he’d had too much to drink, and his apartment was too quiet, he’d close his eyes and imagine her red hair or the secret smile she’d flash just before whispering in his ear.

            There were reasons he didn’t ponder Erza when his senses weren’t dulled by alcohol. The first and foremost being that she hated him now – or she had when he’d seen her last. She’d screamed at him and dubbed him a coward for running away. Upon reflection Jellal knew she hadn’t been wrong. The thought of seeing her again, though, made every inch of him cringe. Partly because he didn’t want to see the hatred on her face and partly because he couldn’t stand to see anything else there; pity or even indifference was worse than hate.

            For completely unnecessary reasons he stayed the night in a motel just outside of Rosemary instead of continuing home. Jellal didn’t sleep at all; he just stared at the moon from the edge of the bed and wondered what the fuck had happened to the big city solitary life he’d constructed for himself. The existence he’d worked so hard to gain was behind him, and he grieved, selfish as it was. Going home meant facing all those demons he thought he’d worked through in the year of therapy he’d invested in before college. It meant his dream of saving lives – to make up for the ones he’d lost – in an anonymous city like Crocus was over.

            The bill had come and it was time to cut the check.

            Rosemary hadn’t changed much. The trees were still heavy with greenery and dripped with early summer blossoms. Jellal saw a few familiar faces. He wouldn’t be able to keep a low profile for long. Nobody had secrets in Rosemary, not really.

            The street he’d grown up on looked exactly the same. He was rather impressed that Meredy had taken such good care of the place. For a while he’d encouraged her to sell the house, but now that he’d actually returned it made him happy to see the whitewashed siding and gabled roof. Happy wasn’t something he’d felt in a long time, and the sensation surprised him.

            The screen door – still adorned with curling iron panels – swung open and the silhouette of his sister appeared. As he shifted his car into park she walked out onto the porch and leaned against a pillar. She couldn’t have been too far along in her pregnancy because she wasn’t showing in the slightest.

            Meredy grinned and Jellal smiled. When he embraced her under the shelter of the porch he was overwhelmed with the fact that despite all the distance and change that had come between them, Meredy still smelled of honeysuckle, and he was grateful.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Tell me about your childhood.” Doctor Milkovitch’s face was a mask of total professionalism._

_“There’s not much to tell. I’ve got a sister and she’s three years younger than me. We had a pretty average upbringing. She still lives in Rosemary.”_

_“And your parents? What’s your relationship with them like?” Jellal stared at her pen that always seemed to be scratching away._

_“They’re dead.”_

_“I see. When did that happen?”_

_“When I was eighteen. I was completely selfish about my grief. Meredy always had more friends than me and I think I resented her for it. When I left home she didn’t put up a fight, but I know I hurt her. She was still a child and deserved better.”_

_“Who took custody of her when you left?”_

_“Our godmother. She was old, though, and passed away four years later. I’ve always regretted not going home for the funeral.”_

_“And how is your relationship with your sister now?”_

_Jellal stared at his feet and twisted his fingers together. “Things are better between us now, but it’ll never be like it was before.”_

_“Do you keep in touch with anyone else?”_

_“No.” Jellal doubted anyone back home would even care to correspond with him._

_“And no one protested your departure?”_

_A mental image of Erza’s angry, tear stained face appeared unbidden. “My girlfriend at the time had some things to say, but –” Doctor Milkovitch waited. “Ultimately it didn’t matter. I’d already made my bullheaded decision and nothing she said would’ve stopped me.”_

_“Simon was your friend, yes?”_

_“Yeah, he and Erza were the only ones I really got close to.” Jellal smirked sadly up at her. “I was pretty shy back then and I think it came across as off-putting. Simon was so outgoing and just kind of decided we were friends one day on the playground. I don’t really remember how it happened, to be honest. Erza, she –” He broke off and exhaled heavily. His eyes rose to the ceiling lost in memory. “She was something else.”_

_“You haven’t mentioned any girlfriends in our previous sessions. What was special about Erza?”_

_“She just… took over. I never had to worry about what to say around her or how to act. It was nice for me to be with someone who accepted me exactly the way I was. After my parents died she just sat with me and never said a word.” Jellal frowned. “I cried and she kept handing me tissues without comment. I remember thinking there wasn’t anyone else in the world I trusted more.”_

_“You loved her?”_

_“I did, yeah. It didn’t stop me from walking out on her, though, and everyone else. I think Simon was in love with her, too. He never said so but… I’m pretty sure he was.”_

_“Did Simon’s feelings toward your girlfriend exacerbate your guilt over his death?”_

_“Yes.”_

* * *

 

 **J U N E**

            Meredy had made several changes inside the house. Not a lot of their parents’ furniture remained. The fact that she’d taken over the family home relieved him. He didn’t want to be bombarded with nostalgia every second of the day. She did warn him that his old bedroom remained mostly untouched. For the first two weeks Jellal slept in one of the guest rooms down the hall before boxing up all his old high school memorabilia and stacking the boxes in the attic. New bed sheets were purchased and he finally felt comfortable in the room again.

            His sister had become quite proficient in the kitchen since he’d been gone, and when asked where she’d acquired the skill, Meredy winked and credited _a friend_. He didn’t press her for more information, and simply assumed she meant a co-worker at the restaurant where she was employed.

            “Did you know old man Dreyer retired last year?” Meredy asked over lunch.

            “You’re kidding me! Only last year? He was a fossil when we were kids.”

            “Yeah, Laxus runs the fire station now.”

            Jellal rolled his eyes. “Well, of course he does.”

            “He’s a decent guy, Jellal.” She shrugged and eyed him as she slowly picked apart a dinner roll. “ _Some_ people _do_ grow up. You’d realize that if you ever left the house and stopped hiding.”

            “I’m _not_ hiding!”

            “Okay then, from now on I’ll just tell everyone who asks about you to stop by and talk to you themselves. I mean, if you’re not scared.”

            “Meredy –“ he warned.

            “Don’t think I don’t know why you stay here, and don’t think for one second the two people you’re avoiding don’t see it either.”

            “I –“

            “Kagura doesn’t blame you for Simon’s death, Jellal.” He stood abruptly from the table and noisily washed his dishes in the sink, but her voice carried over the noise. “Neither does Erza.”

            “I know exactly what Erza thinks of me, Meredy. She was very clear on that before I left.”

            “Big brother,” she sighed quietly. “I wish you weren’t so stubborn.” When he turned around, she’d vacated the table. Jellal grabbed his car keys and left the house in frustration.

            The cemetery was peaceful in the way only a cemetery can be. A breeze ruffled the leaves on the trees and tall blades of grass beyond the iron fence swayed gently. Simon’s headstone still stood as immaculate as it had when they’d erected it. He’d stayed in Rosemary to see it installed, but not long after. Jellal sat at the foot of the grave and stared up at the sky.

            “I’ve hurt a lot of people, Simon,” he said quietly. “I ran away for eight years and now that I’m back it feels exactly the same yet completely foreign. My sister is pregnant, did you know that?”

            Jellal waited as if giving Simon a chance to respond.

            “You know how she is. I just know there’s something going on with her but I don’t feel like I have much of a right to ask or demand she tell me.” He tugged at a few short blades of grass. “I told both of my therapists in Crocus about you.” Jellal laughed bitterly. “I thought maybe it would help but it didn’t.”

            He frowned and let his eyes unfocus to jumble the letters etched on the gravestone. “I knew you loved her, too. I knew it and I didn’t care. I never told you that.” The wind smeared a tear across his cheek. “I can’t even say I regret it, though. I always –“ He squeezed his burning eyes shut. “I always thought I needed her more than you and that made it okay. Did you know I fucked that up too? Erza hates me now and I didn’t get to keep either one of you.”

            He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. “Meredy says Kagura doesn’t blame me but I don’t know how she couldn’t. I should’ve stopped you… I should’ve –“

            “Oh, Jellal,” a voice behind him whispered brokenly. “I _don’t_ blame you.”

            He jumped to his feet and whirled around – embarrassed at being caught talking to the dead. Simon’s older sister smiled sadly and took a step toward him. “Simon made the decision to drive that night and you weren’t any more sober than he was.”

            “Kagura, I –“

            “I had a therapist, too. Not as many as you, apparently –” She smirked at him. “But it helped me work some things out. Simon’s death is no one’s fault but his own.”

            Jellal stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I suppose you heard all of that, then?”

            “Most of it, yeah. It wasn’t my intent to spy, but you were here when I arrived and I didn’t want to disturb you.” Kagura pulled the wilting flowers from the vase attached to the headstone and replaced them with a bouquet she’d brought. Jellal watched in silence. “Meredy is very proud of you, you know,” she said when she finally stood and brushed her hands off on her pant legs.

            “I can’t imagine why.”

            “I forgot how morose you always were, Jellal.” She grinned at him. “To hear Meredy talk you were the best paramedic Crocus had ever seen.”

            Jellal laughed. “That is definitely not the case.”

            “I don’t know, there was a news article a while back with your picture proclaiming you a hero for pulling three kids from a daycare van.”

            “That was dumb luck.”

            “Not according to your sister. She pinned the article to the message board inside the restaurant where she works and made sure everyone knew you were her brother.”

            “I had no idea.” Jellal’s face felt warm. “We didn’t speak often.”

            “How’s she doing, by the way?”

            “She’s pregnant.” He shrugged. “I haven’t asked her about any details but I’ve heard her getting sick in the mornings… and really all day. She eats a lot of bread and crackers.”

            “Don’t pressure her, okay? Meredy had a rough time after you left, and even though not all of her choices were sound, she’s doing her best to own up to them.”

            “I don’t know how to fix things.”

            Kagura turned to face him and nodded toward the parking lot. “We should go. The groundskeeper locks the gates after sunset.” Jellal followed her back to their cars, lost in his own thoughts. “Listen, Jellal, you can’t fix things. We can’t fix our past, only move forward.”

            “I’m trying,” he replied quietly.

            “Good. We have a lot in common, you and I. Come by the fire station on Main sometime this week and have a chat with Laxus.”

            “I don’t know –“

            “My partner retired a month ago and I’m sick of being benched.” Kagura ducked into her car and pulled out of the parking lot. Jellal stared after her, wondering if she’d just offered him a job.

* * *

 

            When he returned home Meredy was lounging on the porch swing. She smiled weakly at him and patted the cushion beside her.

            “Sorry, I didn’t make any dinner. The smell of food had me nauseous all day. I left you delivery menus on the table.”

            “It’s fine.” He smiled at her in the twilight and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

            “Where did you go? I was worried.”

            “I went to see Simon.”

            “Really?” she asked in shock.

            “Yep. I saw Kagura, too.” Jellal set the swing into a gentle motion with his feet. “We had a few words and it was… nice.”

            “Jellal?”

            “Hm?”

            “If you don’t stop moving this swing I’m going to throw up all over you.”

            He grinned down at her. “Sorry.”

            “What did you and Kagura talk about?” Meredy leaned her head back onto his arm and closed her eyes.

            “Simon mostly. She told me to see Laxus about a job. Did you know Kagura was an EMT?”

            “Yep.”

            “And you never said anything?”

            “You’re so dense Jellal, honestly. If I’d told you Kagura worked at the fire station you’d never have considered a job there. Now that you’ve seen her on your own though –“ Meredy smiled up at him. “She’s an EMT and rides in the number four ambulance.”

            “Thanks for the heads up.”

            “You’re very welcome.”

            Jellal watched the sun disappear behind the trees and took a deep breath in preparation for what needed to be asked. “Meredy are you going to tell me who the father of the baby is?”

            “Is it important?”

            “A little bit, yeah.”

            “He isn’t around and won’t be. Can’t that be enough for now?” Meredy looked up at him. Even in the faint light that spilled from inside the house, he could see her eyes were pleading. Jellal sighed and squeezed her shoulders.

            “Yeah, it’s enough for now.”


	3. Chapter 3

_“Are you familiar with the term Survivor’s Guilt?” Doctor Milkovitch asked._

_“Yes. It’s a psychological condition. Are you going to tell me I have it?”_

_She studied him for a long moment before scratching a few notes on her pad. “No, actually. Not in a traditionally described way, at least.”_

_“I feel guilty.”_

_“You’ve expressed guilt, yes, but not because you feel that you should’ve died along with Simon. I’m seeing more of a guilt over the manner of his death.” Jellal nodded and focused on the floral design of the rug in Doctor Milkovitch’s office. “Was it Simon’s death that propelled you into your current profession?”_

_“Yeah, I had that totally cliché idea that I could make a difference and save some lives.”_

_“And you don’t feel like that goal has been accomplished? Your personnel file says differently.”_

_Jellal shrugged. “Things always look different on paper.”_

_Doctor Milkovitch tossed her notepad aside and his eyebrows flew up. She’d never done that before. “You’re trying to pay a debt, Jellal, and your job doesn’t work that way.”_

_“I don’t –“_

_“You can’t save X amount of lives and somehow earn atonement for a death you didn’t cause to begin with. Nor can you somehow make up for Simon’s loss. Your cause is noble, perhaps, but there isn’t going to be a green check mark in the sky when you reach an arbitrary, undefined goal.” She crossed her legs and folded her hands over a knee. “Or have you a defined goal?”_

_“I don’t. I just thought that one day things…” Jellal trailed off and grimaced. “Yeah, giant green check mark in the sky, I guess.”_

_“The third stage of grief is typically bargaining.”_

_“It’s been eight years, though.”_

_Doctor Milkovitch retrieved her notepad. “Some take longer than others. Do you need a chemical resolution for your depression? I could prescribe you something.”_

_“No, I don’t want to take medication.”_

_“Many people consider acceptance to be the final stage of grief but it’s not entirely uncommon to regress back and forward. Try looking at your situation through the lens of acceptance and you may find that Simon’s death was not only beyond your circle of influence, but that your own life is worth something, too.”_

* * *

 

**J U L Y**

             Laxus Dreyer stared at Jellal from across his desk and steepled his fingers. Jellal’s record from Crocus sat neatly compiled in a brown file in the center of the desk. It didn’t appear that Laxus had even glanced at it. The last time he’d seen Laxus was at Simon’s funeral, and he didn’t remember the boy having the snaking scar over his left eye that the man did. Jellal finally cleared his throat.

            “Is there a problem with my paperwork or –“

            “I don’t give a fuck about your paperwork, Fernandes.”

            “Oh.” He didn’t quite know how to respond to such a roguish reply, and fell into silence.

            “If I take you on, I don’t want any bullshit.”

            “Bullshit?”

            “If I didn’t have the respect for Mikazuchi that I do, you’d be sweeping floors in the garage. I don’t like you, Fernandes, and I never have. You’re a quitter. Shit gets rough and you walk away.”

            _Ah._ He deserved that. “I don’t expect any special treatment here. That’s not why I came.”

            “We all know why you’re here, Fernandes. The whole goddamn town knows. It makes me sick that you didn’t show your face again until your baby sister gets knocked up by some –“

            _“Stop.”_ Jellal said through his teeth. “You can say what you want about me but not a word about Meredy. Not unless you want me to split that scar on your fucking face open with my fist.”

            Laxus leaned back in his chair – which squealed loudly – and finally grinned. “Interesting.”

            “Excuse me?”

            “Family comes first, Fernandes. I’m glad you feel the same – even if it took you a decade. You can start tomorrow with Mikazuchi in the number four bus. Get your shift from her – I don’t mess with that shit. My wife, Mira, does the shopping so if you want something specific for the kitchens you’ll need to take that up with her.” Laxus reached behind him to open a file drawer and unceremoniously tossed all of Jellal’s paperwork inside. “Now get the hell out of my office.”

            “Right, thank you, sir.” Jellal stood from his chair and cleared out of the office as quickly as possible. It had been the oddest job interview of his life. Kagura waited at the end of the hall.

            “Well?” she asked.

            “He didn’t go easy on me, but I can start tomorrow.”

            “Well I didn’t expect him to go easy, but Laxus isn’t nearly as much of a hardass as his grandfather was.”

            “Oh, I remember Makarov. Tiny but terrifying.” Kagura laughed and led him into the main garage.

            “This is ours.” She smoothed her hand over the red stripe that ran along the side of the ambulance. “Be here at six in the morning and we’ll get you a uniform and medic bag of your own. Don’t be late!” Kagura called after him as he walked through the large garage door.

            “I wouldn’t dare,” he replied. For the first time in a while, Jellal felt good.

* * *

 

            Five o’clock in the morning came earlier than Jellal thought it would. He’d gone to bed early in preparation for the twelve-hour shift but fatigue still clung when he dragged himself from his sheets. Meredy remained miraculously asleep – usually she was up and overwhelmed with nausea by this time – and he hated to wake her. Instead, he left her a note on the kitchen table.

            By the time he pulled into the fire station parking lot Jellal was brimming with nerves and drank only half the coffee Kagura had thrust at him upon entering the garage. Not everyone was as pleased with his employment as his partner. He recognized Gray right away. The scowling involved was mutual.

            “Fernandes,” Gray muttered as he tossed a few pairs of pants and t-shirts at him.

            “Fullbuster,” Jellal mumbled. At least his uniform fit and he wouldn’t have to subject himself to another visit to the equipment rooms. Gray had been an athletic rival in high school and clearly didn’t think any better of him now than he had back then. Kagura was waiting for him in the driver’s seat when he climbed into the ambulance.

            “Ready?” she chirped.

            “As much as I’ll ever be. Do you always drive or…”

            She glanced at him balefully. “Yes. Always.” Kagura pulled from the fire station and turned onto Main Street. “We normally would hang around here until a call came through but today I want to show you the area we’re responsible for. I feel like I’ve been on the bench forever.”

            The first half of their shift was uneventful. He’d seen how much Rosemary had grown up in the last eight years and was glad Kagura took the time to show him – even if he’d never be the one behind the wheel. At two o’clock though an emergency call came through that made his heart catch in his chest; a fire had been reported at the restaurant where he knew Meredy worked. The red and blue lights flashed and the sound of sirens filled Jellal’s ears but he didn’t notice any of it. His mind was on a permanent loop of his sister in danger.

            The fire originated in faulty wiring but was compounded by frying oil. When the ambulance arrived on scene the restaurant was a smoking, charred skeleton. He found Meredy on the edge of the property looking frazzled and agitated.

            “Jellal!” she cried and threw herself at his chest.

            “Are you okay?” he asked, squeezing her arms and inspecting her for damage. “Did you breathe in a lot of smoke?”

            “I’m fine. I was actually outside when the explosion happened but…” she trailed off and her eyes scanned the crowd of gathering citizens and displaced employees. “But Erza…”

            “ _Erza?_ What?”

            “I swear I meant to tell you, Jellal, but it just never came up.”

            “What about Erza, Meredy? What does any of this have to do with her?” She looked so guilty and his nerves from that morning returned in a raging force.

            “It’s her restaurant,” Meredy said quietly. Jellal frowned and glanced around the sea of faces himself.

            “Was she inside when the kitchen exploded?”

            “I – I think so? Someone said she was…” Jellal left Meredy on the curb and joined Kagura who was triaging victims. None had severe enough burns to be taken to the emergency room.

            Finally he saw a flash of familiar red hair. His stomach clenched and a cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck.

            Erza stood with Laxus and they were speaking in hushed but angry tones. Her left arm was cradled against her chest and Jellal could tell the skin was red and inflamed. He didn’t catch any part of their conversation until he got closer.

            “I told you months ago that kitchen was a fire hazard, Erza. I don’t see how you can possibly be surprised.”

            “It wasn’t in violation of the city code!” She hissed through her teeth and Laxus threw his hands up.

            “I never said that it was.”

            “I swear to god, Laxus if my insurance claim is denied –“ Laxus glanced over his shoulder at Jellal’s approach.

            “Ah, perfect. Just perfect. Miss Scarlet you need some medical care for that arm and I’m sure Fernandes here can handle it for you.” He smirked at Jellal and stepped aside.

            “Fernandes?” Erza repeated quietly.

            “I’ll help you all I can, Erza, but for now I’ll leave you in capable – and familiar – hands.” Laxus disappeared into the crowd.

            “That’s a nasty burn on your arm, Erza,” Jellal muttered pointing at her. “If you want to come have a seat in the ambulance I can –“

            “Kagura can handle it.” Erza shoved past him and marched toward the ambulance herself.

            “I’m perfectly qualified to –“

            “I don’t want you touching me.” Jellal sighed and tried to ignore the stares they were gathering.

            “If you’d just –“ Erza whirled around and pinned him with a terrifying glare. She opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it and pursed her lips instead. “I’m sorry,” Jellal said quietly.

            “Sorry doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me, Jellal.” She sat on the edge of the bright silver bumper and wouldn’t even look at him. When Kagura finally returned to the rear of the ambulance Jellal wordlessly climbed inside to wait for her to finish. Erza would likely refuse a ride to the hospital and seek her own follow up treatment.

            As the minutes ticked by Jellal couldn’t help but compare the version of Erza he’d known – and loved – in high school and the very angry woman he’d just met. She was still just as beautiful, and he couldn’t pretend that seeing her again hadn’t reignited all of the feelings he’d buried in the last eight years. However, Erza obviously did _not_ return any of those sentiments. Jellal didn’t think he would’ve deserved the same forgiveness Kagura had given if she’d offered. Besides Meredy, Erza had been the one he’d hurt the most with his departure.

            “Wow, she was _not_ happy to see _you_ ,” Kagura said as she hopped up into the driver’s seat. Jellal’s reply was a noncommittal grunt. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard Erza tear into anyone the way she did you back there.”

            “Yeah, well… I’m sure I deserved it.”

            Kagura went on as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “I didn’t realize she was so still so mad at you. She and Meredy are pretty close.”

            “Are they?”

            “Yep. I don’t know what she’ll do now that the restaurant is toast.”

            “Erza will figure something out. She always does.”

            Jellal didn’t have much to say for the remainder of his shift, and Kagura didn’t press.


	4. Chapter 4

_“How did the death of your parents change the dynamic at home with your sister?”_

_“Meredy hasn’t ever responded healthily to authority. She and my dad had a hard time once she hit puberty and discovered boys. Mom was always more patient with her.” Jellal smiled wistfully. “Our mom was one of those people who could command attention with a whisper and always made a person feel like they were the most important thing in the room. Meredy needed that, I think.”_

_“Would you say you were more like your dad or mom in that respect?”_

_“I turned into my dad.” He sighed. “Not because I thought my dad the better parent but because I had this stupid idea that I needed to_ be _her dad. We clashed a lot, and in retrospect I’d say most of those altercations were my fault.”_

_“What sort of altercations?” Doctor Milkovitch balanced her elbow on the armrest of her chair._

_“The kind where I threatened boyfriends I didn’t like.”_

_“Were there many boyfriends?”_

_“I certainly thought so at the time, but probably not. She may not have gone seeking validation from them had I not turned authoritarian on her.”_

_“So the godmother didn’t come in until later?”_

_“Not until I left Rosemary. At the time I was old enough to be Meredy’s guardian, and even with all the fighting, she didn’t want to be separated. Not at first anyway. I fucked that up too.”_

_“How so?”_

_Jellal sighed and rolled his eyes heavenward. “I broke a guy’s nose.” He laughed darkly. “He grabbed her ass in public and I didn’t think she was into it. I just kind of blanked and pummeled the guy’s face”_

_“How did Meredy react?”_

_“She didn’t really trust me after that. I can’t blame her. It was the wrong reaction. Erza didn’t talk to me for a week.”_

_“Were you reprimanded for the assault?”_

_“I was suspended from school for a while. Meredy later admitted he was taking liberties she hadn’t consented to at the time. All the mitigating circumstances landed me in an anger management course.”_

_“Was that your first therapy experience?”_

_“It was.”_

_“Would you say that course was what prompted you to seek therapy once you moved away from home?”_

_“Absolutely.”_

* * *

 

**A U G U S T**

            Meredy was leaning against the backdoor frame when he noticed for the first time. The sun had just peeked into the kitchen windows on its ascent into the sky. Jellal hadn’t expected to find his sister awake but she appeared to be watching the sunrise. Her legs were crossed at the ankle and her tank top stretched over her middle in an entirely new way.

            “Wow, you’re pregnant!” Jellal said pedantically as he poured coffee into a thermos.

            “Really?” she asked dryly. “I had no idea.”

            “I just never noticed before. When did… this –” He gestured to the new protrusion. “Happen?”

            “I’m going to get bigger, you know.”

            “When will they tell you if it’s a boy or girl?” Jellal spooned sugar and cream into his coffee and secured the lid. He had many more questions though most of them she probably wouldn’t be willing to answer – foremost being who had gotten her pregnant to begin with.

            “Today, maybe. I have an appointment for an ultrasound and then a job interview at the Celestial Inn.”

            “You really want to work at that fleabag motel?”

            She smiled wanly and lowered herself into a dining chair. “There’s really not a whole lot of other options for a pregnant woman.”

            “You don’t have to work at all! I make enough now to cover the bills for a while.”

            “I hate that idea.” Meredy wrinkled her nose.

            _“Why?”_

            “I like having my own money, Jellal. I don’t want to have to ask you all the time.”

            “At least think about it.”

            “Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled as he left the kitchen for the front door.

            “I’m guessing right now that it’s a girl,” he called behind him before leaving for the day.

* * *

 

            “So your last partner,” Jellal began. “Did you make them ride shotgun all the time, too?”

            “Nope,” Kagura smiled. “I was stuck in your position. Even though you outrank me in title, I did get you this job so you kind of owe me. No complaining.”

            At first he’d tried to make sense of the routes she took throughout the city before realizing they were completely random. Kagura drove because she obviously loved it and most days he was content to stare out of the window in silence. Today he felt restless.

            “Do you know who the father of Meredy’s baby is?” he blurted.

            “You mean you don’t?” Kagura asked disbelievingly.

            “She won’t tell me anything except that he won’t be around. I’m just curious what that means and if I should be prepared for a legal battle.”

            “Well,” she said slowly. “How far along is she?”

            “About five months, I think.”

            “So March would be about the time she conceived.” Kagura’s eyebrows knitted in thought. “There’s a couple of options, I think.”

            “A couple? Great.”

            “I told you not to be too hard on her, Jellal,” his partner said softly from behind the wheel. “Meredy has had a rough couple of years.” Kagura glanced over at him. “This isn’t what you want to hear, but you should talk to Erza if you want information on Meredy she won’t give you herself.”

            “Erza isn’t going to tell me a damn thing. I can’t even get her to look at me in public, much less violate my sister’s confidence.”

            “Then you’ll just have to be content with what Meredy tells you.” They fell into silence as Kagura turned left down the street that still held the charred remains of Erza’s restaurant. As they approached the burned out building, his partner gasped and swerved into the parking lot.

            “What’s going o –“ Jellal focused in on the scene through the windshield. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He swung his door open and hopped from the ambulance before Kagura even came to a complete stop.

            “Jellal!” she called climbing from the driver’s side as quickly as possible.

            “Get your goddamn hands off my sister, Erik.” Jellal’s fingers tightened into fists. He remembered the last time he’d hauled this guy off Meredy, resulting in a broken nose. Erik’s grip on her bicep tightened, and she winced.

            “Not a chance, Fernandes, that’s my kid she’s got in there. Can you believe she didn’t even tell me until _today?_ Our discussion doesn’t concern you.”

            Jellal’s vision clouded over with rage. He took a step toward Erik, intent on breaking his nose a second time, when a solid body lodged itself in front of him. He looked down in confusion at Erza’s glare.         

            “You will not do this, Jellal,” she hissed. “Not now and not on my property.”

            “Erza? What –“

            “Thank Kagura later for calling me and radioing the police. You’re lucky I was nearby.” She turned her glare to the other man. “I’ve told you before you’re not welcome here.”

            “No one tells me where I can and can’t go, beautiful. I thought I made that clear the last time you tried to come between me and what’s mine.”

Jellal growled at his words and took another step forward. Erza’s elbow sank into his ribs harshly.

            “Neither Meredy nor her child are your property. You can’t own people like that. Now get the hell out of here unless you want to go to jail.”

            “You always did like to let the chicks fight your battles, Fernandes.” Erik shoved Meredy toward him. Jellal caught her against his chest. A pair of sirens drew closer and the man grinned. “That’s my cue. This isn’t over, Meredy. You know that baby is mine and I’ll be back. We can be a cute little family.” Erik laughed and bolted for his car. He disappeared down the road just as the police cars flew by after him.

            Jellal ran his hands over Meredy’s arms and peered at her with concern. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Is that asshole really the father?”

            “I’m fine and I don’t want to talk about it.”

            Kagura appeared behind him and reached for Meredy’s shoulder. “Why don’t you come with me and I’ll take a look at those bruises on your arms,” she said softly giving Jellal a meaningful look and nodding toward Erza – who was still staring after the police cars. When the two of them disappeared behind the ambulance, Jellal sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

            “Is it true?” he asked.

            “Is what true?”

            “ _Him._ Did he do this to my sister?” Erza spun on him, and though he expected another glare her face was placid.

            “Impregnate her, you mean?”

            “ _Impregnate_ makes it sound like she’s livestock. Is he the father or what?”

            Erza eyed him thoughtfully before sighing tiredly. “Probably.”

            “Is that _all_ he did?”

            “I don’t think he ever got as far as hitting her, if that’s what you mean. Nor do I think he raped her. Meredy might be secretive, but she’s too emotional to keep something like that quiet. She’d have told me.”

            “Kagura mentioned you were close. I owe you a lot of things, Erza, but looking after Meredy when I was gone is something I won’t ever be able to repay.” She stared up at him in silence. Jellal wished she’d say something. He had so many impulses around her, but none of them were appropriate. “Maybe –“

            “I have to go,” she said quickly. “I’ll take Meredy home.” Erza left him alone in the empty parking lot to collect his sister, and his hands slid into his pockets.

            “Yeah, okay,” he whispered far too late.

* * *

 

            When he returned to the house that night, he was both famished and exhausted. Meredy didn’t say a word as she pulled a heated plate from the oven. She left him in the kitchen and returned to the living room where the late evening news blared.

            “Is there something in particular you’re looking for?” Jellal asked quietly, joining her on the couch.

            “If they arrested Erik, it’ll be on the news.”

            “Think so?”

            “Maybe. I don’t know.”

            “It might be easier to call the jail in the morning,” he offered. Meredy switched off the television and turned to him.

            “I’m sorry for not telling you but I knew it would upset you and I –“ She looked away. “I was embarrassed. He’s not the kind of person I imagined having a child with.”

            “I’m not upset with you. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

            “You were right, you know.” She grinned. “It’s a girl.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny favor? Suspend some belief for this chapter. I know Catholicism isn't a thing in Fiore but I'm fascinated by patron saints and idea of first responders (police, firemen, et al.) wearing them. I am also aware that non-Catholics don't typically wear them unless they're of sentimental value (good friend of mine has a husband who is an EMT and he wears a cross).

_“We’ve talked about your sister’s romantic proclivities but not your own.”_

_“That’s a depressing subject,” Jellal said curtly._

_“Why?”_

_“I’ve been told I’m an emotional desert, that I can’t commit, and that I should probably see someone about my distance problem… which is pretty funny, actually.”_

_“Funny?”_

_He laughed harshly. “I_ have _seen someone about it. Twice now, in fact.”_

_“Why do you think your relationships fail?”_

_“I don’t try hard enough to keep them from falling apart, I guess.”_

_“How long were you and Erza together?”_

_“We dated for two years, but we’d been friends long before that.”_

_“Did you date in college?”_

_“I tried. I had one girlfriend that lasted nine months and she cut me loose not long after I started working under Captain Neekis.” Jellal frowned at the memory._

_“What happened?”_

_“Yuki wanted things that I wasn’t capable of providing. She said I was reckless and couldn’t handle being afraid for me all the time.” He sighed remembering the way he’d come home from a shift to find her packing the few things she kept at his apartment. “I just let her leave.”_

_“Did you want her to stay?”_

_“I don’t know. She needed someone who could make her promises and keep them. I just… that’s not what I can do.”_

_Doctor Milkovitch studied him for a moment before taking a few quick notes. “When was the last time you felt like you could keep a promise in a relationship?”_

_“Before I left Erza.”_

_“Would you say that leaving was a preemptive move?”_

_“To keep myself safe from more loss?” Jellal shrugged. “Maybe.”_

_“And did that work for you?”_

_“It’s hard to fall out of love, even when it was you that did the leaving.”_

* * *

 

**S E P T E M B E R**

            “Jellal!” Meredy’s voice startled him from a spectacular nap. “What are you doing asleep?”

            “Huh?” He opened his eyes and glanced at his alarm clock. “Am I not allowed to nap on my days off?”

            “Have you really forgotten?” She sounded crestfallen.

            “Meredy, I’ve been working for two days straight and I probably couldn’t even spell my own name to save my life right now. If there’s something I’m supposed to have done, please just tell me so I can do it and go back to sleep.”

            “The high school fair is tonight! Get up and take a shower, please. You smell like a gym bag.”

            “I’m not leaving my bed for a high school fair.” Jellal rolled over and pulled another pillow over his face.

            “You most certainly are! I’m not about to go alone. The weather is so perfect for walking, too.”

            “Then I guess neither one of us is going,” he mumbled.

            “Erza will be there.”

            “And?”

            “The last couple of years she’s had to chase those Blue Pegasus guys off with a stick.”

            Jellal’s fingers twisted in his sheets. He _knew_ Meredy was baiting him. She _wanted_ him to ask what she meant. Erza probably wouldn’t care if he went or not – she’d been avoiding him for weeks - but his curiosity gnawed at him.

            “What the hell is Blue Pegasus?”

            “Oh, they’re pilots. Did Kagura not tell you about the airbase they built to the west of town? Blue Pegasus does formation flying and there’s not a single one of them that’s not absolutely gorgeous. Anyway, this could be the night Erza finally caves.” He sat up in bed and scowled at her. “But if you don’t care…” Meredy shrugged and left his room.

            “Goddamn it.” Jellal stumbled from his bed to the bathroom. “Give me forty-five minutes.” He heard her laughing as he turned on the shower water.

* * *

 

            “You could smile, you know,” Meredy said poking his arm.

            “You dragged me from my bed so you’ll have to deal with whatever face I’ve got on.” The annual fair on the high school’s campus hadn’t evolved much since he’d attended last. The area was strung with twinkling lights and scattered across the grounds were the typical booths brimming with food and impossibly rigged games.

            The first time he’d had the courage to grab Erza’s hand and pull her behind the athletics field house for a kiss had been on a fair night very similar to this one. She’d been surprised and her cheeks had flushed hotly – which only served to make his heart pound harder. They shared many kisses that night, some more intense than others, but that first one he hadn’t ever forgotten.

            “Hey did you bring cash?” Meredy’s voice startled him from memories of cotton candy flavored kisses. “I didn’t even remember my house keys.”

            “Pregnancy brain strikes again, huh?” She’d been absent minded more often than not recently. “Here. It’s all I’ve got.” Jellal handed her a wad of bills and she smiled.

            “Are you going to be okay by yourself? I wanted to go say hi to someone.”

            “Someone?”

            “Your boss’s wife, nosey. Unless… unless you’d _like_ to hang out with Laxus on your day off?”

            “Yeah, no. You go do that. I’ll catch up with you later.” Jellal watched Meredy approach a booth occupied by a platinum blonde, who embraced his sister with a smile before filling her hands with a plate of pie. Meredy had a love affair with pastry as of late.

            Jellal wandered the fairgrounds, aimlessly observing the crowd. The memories were thick here and he half-wished he’d stayed home. Erza could date whom she pleased. He certainly hadn’t been celibate in the time he’d been away. She didn’t need anyone to white knight her in the face of _absolutely gorgeous_ pilots who were probably better for her anyway.

            He found a deserted cluster of painted picnic tables and took a seat with a heavy sigh. The sky was clear. He could still pick out all of the constellations from memory despite the nearby lights of the fair.

            “It was always the heavens I had to worry about with you.” Jellal startled and spun around to face the other side of the picnic table. Erza sat across from him and smiled softly. “Never the other girls or books or sports or anything like that. Only the stars could hold your fascination to the point of aggravation.”

            “You say that like there was a line of other girls trying to get my attention.” He smiled sheepishly.

            “Just because you didn’t notice any of them doesn’t mean they weren’t there.” She leaned her chin into the palm of her hand and gazed up at the sky. “Do you remember that time you crawled through my window and made me hike out to the hills with you to watch a meteor shower?”

            “I do, actually.” He laughed lightly. “You were not happy with me that night.”

            “I was wearing flip-flops, Jellal, and a nightgown. Not at all the appropriate attire for a hike.”

            “I just wanted to share it with you. There wasn’t anyone else I wanted to be with.” He tried to shrug casually but the words had come out heavier than he’d intended.

            “Do you still map them?”

            “Nah, I don’t have much time for that anymore. I guess… I guess I left a lot of things behind… when I ran off.” Erza smiled sadly.

            “You did.” She cleared her throat. “Meredy has changed since you’ve been back, though. I haven’t seen her so happy in years.”

            “I’m glad I can be here for her. There were so many things I missed and can’t make up for.”

            Erza glanced around and finally met his gaze. “I missed you, Jellal. For a long time I was angry –“

            “Erza –“

            “I need to say this, okay? At least give me this.” She took a deep breath. “It took me some time to see past my rage and realize that Meredy had lost her brother and not just a boyfriend like I had. I felt incredibly selfish and tried to do better. I won’t say it stopped hurting, but I could miss you instead of hate you.”

            Jellal stared down at his hands. “I’m so sorry. I know that’s not enough but I am. I handled everything wrong and then just –“

            “We were all kids, Jellal. You and Meredy had just lost your parents and then Simon… we were just kids. I admit that I was pretty rude to you after the fire but that was a trying day.” She grimaced. “Laxus was pissing me off and I was embarrassed that the first time you saw me after so long was outside the husk of my business with a burned arm.”

            “How’s that arm, by the way?” He reached out to touch her forearm and brushed his fingers over the area that had been injured.

            “It’s fine.” She didn’t pull away from him and Jellal couldn’t bring himself to stop touching her.

            “You don’t owe me any apologies, Erza. I’m the one –“

            “Let’s just call it a draw for now, okay?” She slid from the table bench and grabbed his hand. “Walk with me.” Together they wound through the crowd and booths barely speaking but Erza never let go of his hand. Jellal thought that said enough for one evening.

            Meredy suddenly appeared clutching a sizable stuffed dragon just as he started to direct Erza to the entrance gates. Mirajane Dreyer flanked her. Jellal didn’t miss the way her lips twitched into a smirk when she noticed Erza still grasping his hand.

            “Please don’t tell me you’re leaving already!” Meredy whined.

            “Aren’t you supposed to be pregnant and exhausted?” he muttered.

            “I had a nap this afternoon. I feel fine.”

            “Well how _nice_ that must have been for _you_ ,” Jellal said with not at all subtle sarcasm.

            “You’re such a grouch, Jellal.” She thrust the dragon at him and turned to Mirajane. “Do you think Laxus would mind taking me home later since my brother is wimping out?”

            “Not at all! I brought my own car and I can take you home myself.” Mira slid an arm around Meredy’s waist and winked at Jellal before they disappeared back into the crowd.

            “Good grief.” Jellal grumbled fumbling with the stuffed dragon. “This thing is horrible and will definitely scare the baby.” Erza laughed and leaned into his shoulder.

            “Meredy was right, you’re just a grouch when you don’t get enough sleep. Come on, I’ll walk home with you. I still live in my grandmother’s house a block over.”

            The streets were dimly lit by lamps and they walked in silence beneath the low hanging branches of trees that lined the sidewalk. The feeling of Erza next to him brought back an old but familiar euphoria. Finding himself virtually alone with her was a surprise and Jellal felt a wildly building tension in his chest with every step closer to home. Not entirely unpleasant but one that could only lead to trouble.

            “Have you finished the baby’s room yet?” Erza asked, breaking the silence.

            “No, Meredy has been really indecisive and there’s nothing in there but paint cards and sample wallpaper patterns.” Jellal sighed. “It’s a mess.”

            “Can I see?” His heart stuttered, and he glanced down at her over the head of the dragon.

            “Uh, sure.” She smiled and followed him up the driveway and under the porch. Jellal swung the front door open and turned to Erza. “Listen –“

            “Don’t kill my nerve with logic, Jellal,” she whispered, canting her body into his and touching his chest. “Not tonight.”

            The stuffed dragon was left on the living room floor and the door to the nursery went unopened. Erza clutched his forearm as he led the way up the stairs and to his bedroom. The instant the door clicked closed his fingers were in her hair and he kissed her with a ferocity that surprised him. She was warm and from her mouth came the most beautiful sounds that stirred every inch of him.

            His shirt disappeared somewhere on the floor. Her dress landed on the edge of the bed. Almost eight years had passed, but Jellal found that he still knew the map of her body and could elicit reactions from her that he only dared to imagine when drunk.

            He wasn’t drunk or dreaming, though; this was real.

            He pressed her back against his door and slid his hands down over her breasts and hips before hooking a finger into the waistband of her panties. Erza deftly unbuckled his belt and shoved his shorts down around his ankles. She kissed him languidly and covered his hesitant hand with her own. The last of her clothing joined his on the floor.

            Erza’s hair shone ethereally in the moonlight, and it seemed that his bed sheets had been made to compliment her. She wrapped her legs around his waist. When he reached between them, he found her wet and hot. Later, he might wish he’d dragged things out more, but the detached sexual encounters he’d had over the last several years weren’t even in the same league as being with Erza. She was bright and vibrant, and when he slid inside of her he couldn’t stop the deep growl of pleasure that clawed its way from his chest.

            Jellal grasped her thigh and held it high against his hip. He could feel her stomach muscles trembling and smiled against her lips.

            “Not yet,” Erza gasped and pushed him to his back with a strength that impressed him. Her form was glorious and exactly the perfection he remembered. Jellal sat up to taste the soft skin of her breasts and her fingers tangled in his hair; it was a delightfully painful sensation.

            She became erratic in rhythm and her moans and gasps more desperate – the end hurdled closer and Jellal wished for a way to trap them in the moment of ecstatic pleasure. The hand at her waist slipped between their bodies and he found the spot he’d memorized years before. She clenched tightly around him and he flipped her on her back to shamelessly finish himself.

            He planted soft, wet kisses over her neck, clavicle, forehead and cheeks before taking her lips. She smiled dazedly up at him and heaved a breathy sigh. Jellal fell onto his back beside her and tried to catch his own breath.

            Did he really just do that? With Erza? It seemed like there should’ve been a whole lot more talking beforehand. She leaned over him and touched the glittering silver medallion stuck to his chest with sweat.

            “What’s this?”

            “It’s a Saint Michael medallion. The patron saint of police officers, EMT’s –“

            “And paramedics?” she asked with a ghost of a smile. “I didn’t realize you were religious.” He looked up at her and felt the first stirrings of the consequences of their actions.

            “I’m not. It was a gift.” Erza studied his face for a long moment before sitting up. She clutched the sheet to her chest and looked around his room.

            “What are we doing, Jellal? What is this?” He pulled himself up and peeled the long strands of hair from her neck and back. “I didn’t wait for you, either, you know.” She didn’t look at him and instead whispered her confession into the darkness.

            “I didn’t expect you to,” he said softly.

            “You left me behind. I couldn’t –“ She swiped at tears he couldn’t see and groped for her dress that had been tossed to the foot of the bed in their previous haste. “I should go.”

            “You don’t have to leave.” Erza pulled her dress on and slid to the edge of the mattress.

            “I don’t have to leave or you want me to stay?” Jellal’s eyes closed and he felt the antithesis of the earlier excited tension between them. She wanted to know where he stood but more than that she _deserved_ to know… and he had no answers. Not yet.

            “Erza –“

            “This was a mistake, and _god_ I’m so stupid.” He watched in growing sorrow as she tugged on her discarded panties and grabbed her sandals.

            “You aren’t stupid. I’m… I’m just…” Jellal couldn’t believe how badly he’d fumbled things. “I’m falling apart,” he mumbled.

All the years he’d been away there’d been a gaping hole in his heart where the people he loved belonged and when given the chance to make things right - instead of pacing himself - he’d floored the gas, and sped right off the cliff.

            “I don’t regret you, Jellal. I’m just sorry you don’t know what you want.” She left him alone in his room and didn’t even give him the closure of a slammed door.

            He stumbled from his bed to watch her go from the window. Through the open pane he could hear her footsteps on the porch. A pair of voices mingled in the night and Jellal sank into complete self-loathing.

            “I’m sorry he’s such a mess, Erza.” Meredy was saying.

            “It’s not your fault, okay? I don’t blame you. This is my fault for expecting anything different.”

            “He’s trying. I promise he’s trying.” Jellal didn’t hear Erza’s response but watched her trek through the yard and back out onto the sidewalk. He waited for Meredy’s rebuke but none came. Somehow her silence made him feel worse than anything she could’ve said.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Note: This fic was heavily inspired by the song[Give Me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97S66xee0U8). I meant to say so before but forgot._ **

* * *

 

_“Have you ever considered a career other than a paramedic?”_

_“Not really.”_

_“You’ve stated in earlier sessions that it was Simon’s death that propelled you to seek out this profession. What would you have done if circumstances had been different?”_

_“It’s hard for me to answer a question like that. I can’t imagine my life differently than it is now.”_

_“Can’t… or won’t?” She shifted her body weight to the other side of her chair and repositioned the ever present notepad. “Let me ask a different question. When you were a child did you have hobbies?”_

_“When I turned nine my parents named a star after me. They got me one of those packages with a certificate and a plaque and even a star chart showing its astrological location. I thought it was the best gift in the world and shoved it in the face of anyone that set foot in the house.” He shook his head and smiled. “Meredy was so jealous. I think that only made it more appealing to me. On my twelfth birthday, after a year of hard begging, they got me a telescope. I was obsessed with charting stars myself and it became a thing.”_

_“So they encouraged your interests?”_

_“Very much so. It was a solitary activity and I was a shy kid. Simon humored my extreme interest in astronomy, but it was Erza who made me feel most comfortable yakking her ear off about it. I think at one point -” Jellal bowed his head to hide the sudden redness of his face. “I may have offered her my star because…” He wished he’d left this part out but it was too late. “I told her that stars should be named after prettier things than me.”_

_“That was very sweet, Jellal.”_

_“Yeah, well. I was crazy about her back then and sometimes had less of a verbal filter than I could help.”_

_“Do you think you had enough of an interest in astronomy to cultivate a career around it?”_

_“Possibly. It’s hard to say, though, because if Simon hadn’t been killed the way he was I doubt I’d have been so inclined to leave home. The community college near Rosemary doesn’t offer an astronomical science program.”_

_“So you explored the option at one point?”_

_“I don’t know that you could call leafing through a course booklet exploration, but yes.”_

_“When was the last time you practiced this hobby?”_

_“The night before Simon died.”_

* * *

 

**O C T O B E R**

            Since the fire station reshuffled the shift structure Jellal had been sleeping four nights a week in a single bunk bed. He hated the change, mostly because it reminded him of the years he spent in Crocus that didn’t involve a personal life. Now he had responsibilities at home and he didn’t like leaving Meredy alone for so long – even if it was only for two days at a time.

            “I think you should call it _family leave_ in the official paperwork instead of _paternity_.” Kagura said pointing at the stack of papers in front of him with her fork.

            “I don’t know, _family leave_ implies illness… right?” Jellal flipped through the forms and read over the various types of paid leave for the third time that day. “ _Paternity_ specifically refers to time taken for child birth.”

            “But it’s not your kid. You can’t use the word _paternity_ when it’s not yours.”

            “Well –“ Jellal said absently. “It is _kind of_ mine.”

            “ _Is it?_ Because… that’s a whole _other_ conversation. And probably a different form, too.”

            Jellal tore his eyes from the forms to glare dryly at Kagura, who hid a smirk with her coffee cup. “I just meant that she doesn’t have a dad right now, and there’s no way in _hell_ that Erik is going to be allowed _anywhere_ near my niece so… that means until Meredy… I mean…”

            “Listen, Jellal, I completely understand what you’re getting at. Under the current circumstances I think you’re entitled to a certain amount of paid leave. However, I don’t think you can call it _paternity leave_. I think you’ll have to list it as _family leave_. Which is still perfectly valid.” Kagura grinned to herself and poked at her food. “You could always have this conversation with Laxus. I bet he knows.”

            “He knows a bunch of gross jokes about incest, you mean. He’d probably ask me if the baby will have purple hair or something equally disgusting.” Jellal sighed in frustration and shoved all the papers back into the file folder. “I honestly don’t care what they call it so long as I’m granted the time off.”

            “It’ll be fine.”

            The door of the diner chimed behind him and a blast of cold air hit Jellal in the back. He watched as Kagura’s eyebrow quirked upwards and her gaze followed someone behind him. When he turned he caught a glimpse of a red pony tail disappearing down the service hallway.

            “Was that…?”

            “Erza? Yeah,” Kagura said quietly.

            “Why is she here?”

            “I heard Laxus on the phone with an insurance adjustor the other day. I bet her claim is still being processed and she needed an interim job.”

            “As a waitress?”

            “I don’t have a clue.” Kagura returned her attention to her plate, but Jellal couldn’t let it go. Erza hadn’t spoken to him since the night of the fair – when he’d blundered horribly by tumbling into bed with her instead of discussing any _one_ of their many unspoken issues. He tossed his napkin on the table and slid out of the booth. “Hey! _Jellal!_ I don’t think chasing after her right now is a good idea!”

            His partner’s voice faded behind him as he followed the same path down the service hallway Erza had taken. She stepped from the employee locker room and jumped backward into the doorframe in surprise.

            “Jellal! What are you doing lurking in this hallway?”

            “I –“ He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I saw you come in and wondered what you were doing this far east of town. Do you work here?” Erza frowned and grabbed his arm to pull him into the locker room.

            “Yes, I work here! And you can’t just wander back here and demand information from me! It’s a busy hallway and I’d like to keep this job for as long as I need to.” She straightened her uniform nervously. “You have to go.”

            Jellal eyed her carefully and shoved his hands into his pockets. “But why here? Why waitressing? How can you go from owning a whole restaurant to waiting tables?”

            “Just because a person is up and walking,” she hissed, “doesn’t mean they can’t get knocked back down to a crawl. I can’t believe you haven’t figured that out yet - _you_ of all people.”

            “Meredy didn’t tell me any of this.”

            “And why should she? It’s _none_ of your business. My claim will be completed soon and I’m not worried about anything other than paying my bills in the meantime. That restaurant had a mountain of debt when I bought it and –“ Erza pursed her lips and scowled. “You know what? None of _that_ is any of your business either. I have a shift to do.” She turned to leave him and Jellal grasped her bicep.

            “Erza I don’t mean to keep fucking things up. I’m sorry about what happened after the fair. I said all the wrong things and –“

            “Stop. Just stop right there.” She yanked her arm from his hand and poked him in the chest. “You said exactly what you meant that night and, frankly, I’m glad you said it.”

            “But –“

            “I’m glad because you saved me a whole lot of heartache. Now I know you don’t have a clue what you want from me, anyone else – or _yourself_ for that matter.”

            “Erza, that’s –“

            She shook her head and took a step away from him and into the hallway. “I know what I want from life, Jellal. I want my insurance money and a new restaurant.” She bit her lip and stared at his boots for a moment too long. “I’d never want you to feel obligated to love me. I don’t want remnants of something we had in high school - that’s not enough for me. When you decide what you truly want… give me a sign. I’m strong and can be here for you, but not if you don’t show me the way.”

            Erza left him staring after her in a state of speechless shock. He hadn’t expected her to be so blunt. She hadn’t told him to fuck off forever, but she didn’t leave any room for floundering. By the time he returned to the booth, Kagura was settling their check and waiting.

            “Ready?” she asked, grabbing her coat.

            “Yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

 

            “Do you like the cherry or the espresso?” Meredy asked.

            “I can’t tell the difference.” Jellal mumbled.

            “Are you _blind?_ ” She huffed. “Never mind, I don’t want your opinion if you can’t even see that cherry is obviously…” Meredy trailed off and stared at her brother who was quite lost in thought. “What’s up with you today? I know your new shift schedule is rough but you’re not usually this spacy.”

            “I saw Erza the other day. Did you know she was working at Yajima’s?”

            Meredy bit her lip and turned back to the display of baby cribs. “She may have mentioned something about getting a job until she gets an insurance check.”

            “I didn’t realize she needed money that bad.”

            “Honestly, Jellal, you really piss me off sometimes.” He glanced up at Meredy who was scowling at him. Her hands were planted on her expanding waist and he didn’t dare tell her that she looked more like an angry kitten than anything else. “You can’t expect me to offer information about her after what you did!”

            Jellal hid his face behind the mound of sheet sets, blankets, diapers, and whatever else Meredy had tossed in the shopping cart. He didn’t want to discuss the one night stand with his sister. It was embarrassing enough without her judging him.

            “You broke her heart when you ran away, I’ll have you know. She wouldn’t even talk to another guy for over a year and that took some borderline-bully behavior on my part to make happen.”

            “I don’t need to know about any of this, Meredy,” he muttered into the blankets.

            “I _still_ say she didn’t give Gray the shot he deserved – six months is long enough to owe someone a better reason than _I just can’t do this anymore_ – but whatever. My point is you shouldn’t have hopped into bed with her the first time she didn’t yell at you.” Meredy calmed herself and went back to inspecting cribs. “I realize this all sounds completely ridiculous coming from a single pregnant woman, but the fact remains that you twisted the knife in an old wound for her.”

            “That was never my intention.”

            “Yeah, well, intent doesn’t equal result.” Meredy pulled the UPC card for the cherry stained crib and nodded to herself. “Did you talk to her when you saw her?”

            “Yeah but only for a minute.”

            “Can I ask you something serious?”

            “Of course.”

            Meredy fell heavily into a glider chair and propped her feet up on the matching ottoman. “Are you going to stay once the baby is born?” Jellal blinked in surprise. “I know it’s been hard readjusting to being here, and I don’t mean to pressure you, but I need to know.” Her hands covered her belly, which still hadn’t reached its peak size, according to her doctor. She smiled up at him sadly. “If you’re leaving me again, I just want to prepare myself.”

            Jellal sighed and lifted her feet from the ottoman to bring them into his lap as he sat. “I didn’t realize that you didn’t know.” Her face crinkled in confusion. “I’m not leaving again. You and my niece and our house and… and all of that are what I want now. I shouldn’t have walked out on you to begin with. That’s not how a family is supposed to act and I’m sorry. I owed you a lot more than what I gave after mom and dad died. I want to try and make up for what I can now.”

            “You big dummy,” Meredy laughed and kicked him in the shoulder with her foot. “I forgave you a long time ago. And just so you know –” She grinned and let him help pull her from the chair. “Well, first of all, you’re _totally_ buying me that chair. Secondly, I suggest you work things out with Erza before she gets tired of waiting.”

            “I’m working on it,” he said quietly, before taking his place at the helm of the shopping cart.


	7. Chapter 7

_“Looking back, when was the last time you felt content?”_

_“The last time I was happy?”_

_“No,” Doctor Milkovitch corrected. “Content. I realize they essentially mean the same thing, but_ content _implies stability that_ happy _does not. Happy, in this context, would refer to a moment in time. My goal is to determine the last time you felt your life was in control and you were okay with the direction it was heading.”_

_Jellal sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “That’s… a loaded question.”_

_“Is it?”_

_“Well, yeah. I’m not happy or content right now. Obviously.”_

_“I’m not asking about right now.”_

_“But –“_

_“Jellal, you have an aversion to looking behind you. Are you afraid that the decision you described as bullheaded in a previous session was perhaps wrong? And in that same vein are you afraid of what it’ll take to reroute yourself?”_

_He stared at the rug. At his shoelaces. At the state of his fingernails. Anywhere but at Doctor Milkovitch. “I can’t go back.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because the last time I was content was at home and what if I go back there and find everything different? Then I’ll have lost my safe place on top of everything else.”_

* * *

 

**N O V E M B E R**

            He woke to Meredy violently shaking his shoulder. When his eyes cracked open he saw her face was constricted and despite the cold weather her forehead was beaded in sweat.

            “What? What is it?” Jellal sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

            “I’m having contractions, Jellal,” she whispered with wide, panicked eyes. “It’s too early!” Meredy’s arms were wrapped protectively around her belly. “What do we do?”

            “Get your coat. I’ll take you to the emergency room. Nothing else will be open at this hour.” Jellal stumbled from his bed and called to his sister’s retreating form. “Meredy, it’s going to be fine, okay? Don’t panic.” She gave him a pained smile and nodded.

            The roads were dusted with snow and more flakes fell from the sky promising a thick build up on the ground. Jellal’s windshield wipers swished back and forth, and his headlights were at their brightest but in the darkness of the unholy hour he still had difficulty seeing the road. Rosemary’s hospital wasn’t a large facility but he didn’t doubt they could handle Meredy’s labor without outsourcing her.

            “Holy shit, if this is what labor is like,” she panted while clutching the door handle until her knuckles turned white. “I’ll seriously be rethinking having more children ever.”

            “How often do the pains come?” Jellal didn’t have pregnancy experience or knowledge, but while in Crocus he’d once assisted with a birth that was already in progress from the back seat of a car. He’d been horrified, but his partner handled the situation with enough grace to fill a cathedral. However, since learning of Meredy’s condition, he’d read a handful of books on the subject of babies and birth and knew that false labor wasn’t uncommon for a woman as far along as his sister.

            “I don’t know, Jellal,” she muttered irritably. “They just come and go. It seems random.”

            “And… uh, has there been any blood… or anything?”

            “No, nothing like that. Just cramping and more of the same kind of _everything is uncomfortable_ feeling I have every day now.”

            “I don’t think you’re in labor, Meredy. There’s a kind of contraction that’s like a false alarm, and if there’s no blood I don’t think it’s true labor.”

            “ _What?!_ So these aren’t even real?” She pressed her forehead against the cold window until Jellal pulled into the emergency room parking lot.

            “Probably not, but we should go inside anyway.” Meredy leaned heavily on his arm as she shuffled through the gathering snow.

            “Listen, don’t be mad okay?”

            “Why would I be mad?”

            “Well…”

            “You told Erza you were in labor, didn’t you?”

            “Yeah,” Meredy said as they stepped into the brightly lit emergency room.

            “It’s okay. Let’s just get you taken care of so we can go home. I feel like I’ve been up for days.”

            She smiled up at him. “That’s because you have.”

            The nurse at the desk had Meredy escorted to a private room for an examination and Jellal flopped onto a padded bench. He realized that he was still in Rosemary FD sweatpants and sighed. The sun would be up in a couple of hours. At the very least he had the next three days off work. He’d decided to not take any leave until Meredy actually had the baby, and the extra shifts were sapping every last bit of energy he had in reserve. His eyes slid closed and he drifted off into an uneasy doze.

            It was rare for Jellal to remember a dream. The ones he recalled the easiest were not in the deepest throes of sleep but in the moments he spent closest to waking. Softly spoken voices pulled him from one such dream filled with intimate laughter and lazy kisses that tasted like strawberry lip gloss. At first, wakefulness felt like a continuation of the dream as strands of red hung in his face and a familiar scent of floral body spray filled his nose. His cheek was pressed against something soft and fuzzy and a hand absently toyed with his sleep-ruffled hair.

            “I’m just supposed to move around more when I feel them coming or drink something warm.”

            “That sounds hokey,” a voice that sounded a lot like Erza’s laughed quietly.

            “I think I’m also dehydrated. When I start work again, the first thing I’m saving for is a bathtub at home.”

            “I’d offer you mine but… well you know how that is.”

            “Have you considered –“

            “I think at this point it’s inevitable, as much as I hate to say it.” Erza’s shoulders drooped a bit and Jellal startled fully awake.

            “Wakey, wakey, Sleeping Beauty,” Meredy giggled. He glanced at the source of the fuzzy shoulder and flushed.

            “Sorry, Erza,” he mumbled. “I don’t remember falling asleep on you.”

            “It’s fine.” She shrugged and pulled her coat on. “You were out of it by the time I got here and I’m afraid it was a choice between falling onto me or off the bench entirely.” Erza stood and turned to Meredy. “And don’t feel bad about the false alarm. I’d rather be here for something like this than miss it altogether!” She gently squeezed Meredy’s shoulders and waved goodbye to Jellal.

            “You should see your face,” Meredy snorted.

            He scowled. “What does that mean?”

            “It means you looked like you were having the best sleep of your life and now you have an imprint from Erza’s sweater on your cheek.” Jellal rolled his eyes and pulled his coat on with more force than intended.

            “Let’s just go home. I want to sleep in my bed and not on this bench.”

            “You looked like a puppy napping on a new blanket,” Meredy teased. “I wish I’d snapped a picture.”

            “Shut up,” he mumbled, pulling the hood of his coat up to cover his embarrassment.

* * *

 

            Jellal was surrounded by unintelligible crib parts. A stapled booklet of instructions had been tossed aside and he now leaned against the wall in frustration. Meredy would be very upset with him if she returned to a still-unassembled crib, and she had enough stress without having to worry where her baby would sleep.

            “Wow,” a voice behind him whispered. Jellal craned his neck upwards from his spot on the floor to find Erza leaning against the nursery doorframe. “That’s quite a mess.”

            “She gave me one job,” he said mournfully. “And I’ve failed miserably.”

            “Do you not have instructions?”

            “They’re stupid,” Jellal muttered.

            Erza laughed and scooped up the booklet. “They don’t look stupid to me. I think you’re just too impatient.”

            He watched her with unapologetic intensity as she collected and identified all the wood pieces, screws, fasteners, and guards before issuing directions for him to follow. The crib was a beast of a project but somehow from the mess he’d made of it, Erza found an order. His niece wouldn’t start her life sleeping in an empty drawer after all.

            “So did you come by today because you sensed my despondency in the universe or did you have an actual reason?” Jellal handed her a mug of tea. They stood in front of the living room windows watching the snow that had once again begun to fall.

            “I meant to catch Meredy, actually.”

            “She went to see a different doctor today at the big hospital near the highway.”

            “For whatever reason, I thought her appointment was tomorrow.” Erza shook her head. “I’ve been distracted lately, I guess.”

            “That’s something I can definitely understand.”

            “I heard you’ve been picking up extra shifts until the baby comes. I think it’s very sweet of you to take time off to help Meredy out afterwards.”

            Jellal shrugged and stared into his mug. “I just don’t want her to feel like she’s alone.”

            “She doesn’t,” Erza said softly. “I got my insurance settlement, finally.”

            “That’s great!”

            “It was more than I expected…” she trailed off and Jellal glanced over at her to find her mouth bent into a frown.

            “Is that not a good thing?”

            “I just… You know the feeling that comes right before a big change? When you know you’re doing the right thing but it still feels… I don’t know… _wrong?_ ”

            “Yes. I felt that way the night before I left Crocus.” He turned his gaze outward at the snow covered grass but could feel Erza’s eyes on him. “Truthfully, I’d been feeling that precipice for a while. Living there wasn’t sustainable for me anymore.”

            “So you’re not going back?”

            “You’re the second person to ask me that in the last month, and the answer is still no. I’m not going back there or anywhere else. I’ve found my place in the world, Erza.” He looked back over at her and grinned. “And I know what I want. I just need a little more time to work something out.”

            “Can I ask what kind of something?”

            “I don’t want you to feel like there’s ever anything you can’t ask me or that certain subjects require tiptoeing.” He paused and swallowed the remains of his tea. “I promise I’ll tell you everything soon. There’s just a phone call I need to make and I’ve been putting it off. I know that answer isn’t good enough, but could you trust me?”

            Erza’s eyes pierced him and he tried not to flinch. “I trust you,” she said.

            A pair of headlights swung into the driveway and Meredy’s car inched toward the house. Erza sighed and headed into the kitchen. Jellal followed and watched as she placed her empty cup in the sink and then joined him near the table.

            “I’ve decided to rebuild on the same lot,” she said quietly, touching the sleeve of his henley. “It’ll be more work, but it’s what I want. Meredy will always have a job with me if she wants one. And –“ her hand slid down his arm to tangle her fingers loosely with his. “When you’re ready to talk about things, you know where to find me.”

            “I do.” He smiled down at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Erza leaned up and planted a lingering kiss on his jaw.

            “Goodnight, Jellal,” she whispered before leaving him alone in the kitchen. He stood in the waning light of sunset smiling like a fool.

            Meredy found him still in the darkening kitchen. Her face glowed with a smile as she pulled a box of cookies from a grocery bag.

            “Guess what?” she asked excitedly.

            “What?” He watched in mild disgust as his sister closed her eyes and moaned scandalously over the cookies.

            “These are so good,” she said sinking into a dining chair.

            “ _That’s_ what you wanted to tell me?”

            “Huh?” Meredy pulled another cookie from the box and Jellal wrinkled his nose. “Oh, the _thing!_ Right. I got a call from Mira today and _she_ said that _Laxus_ said that _Gray_ said that –“

            “Cut through the small town gossip, Meredy. _What happened?_ ”

            “Erik was arrested last night! He’s got a slew of charges and I don’t think he’ll be coming around anytime soon.”

            “Is that why you’re eating a whole box of cookies by yourself? Is it a celebration?” Jellal winked at her and pulled a bowl of leftovers from the fridge.

            “Oh, no the cookies are just dinner.” She grinned and held the box out to him. “Want one?”

            “Absolutely not. In fact, I think you and your box of boyfriends there need a room.”

            “You’re such a prude, Jellal.” Meredy shrugged and left the kitchen with her cookies.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters after this one :)

            _“How did your parents die?” Doctor Milkovitch’s questions were always asked in a non-threatening tone but Jellal still cringed._

_“All of the turning points in my life are forced by car accidents.” He fidgeted. “Typical hydroplaning incident, I guess. There was too much water in an area of road with not enough drainage and another driver lost control.”_

_“There were no survivors?”_

_“None. Mom died first. She was pronounced dead when they reached the hospital but Dad lingered for a few days. Meredy took it really hard. I did my best to be a rock for her, but in the end I think my stoicism made the adults around us assume I had more wits than I actually did.”_

_“That’s unfortunate.”_

_“Meredy missed the first week of school that year, but I was afraid if I didn’t internalize everything and be strong they’d realize I was actually a mess inside and send her away. So I went.” Jellal sighed and closed his eyes. “In retrospect I realize that’s when the spiral of my bad decisions started. I wasn’t equipped to handle things on my own.”_

_“You’re shouldering too much blame. I’d say the situation you’ve just described to me was a failure on the part of the social services system, not you.”_

_“My biggest regret is leaving my sister behind after Simon died. She deserved better than that.”_

_“Jellal you have a remarkable skill for twisting a situation and forcing responsibility onto yourself. Does it bring you satisfaction to take blame and relieve others of responsibility because you think you can handle it?”_

_“I wouldn’t say it brings me_ no _satisfaction, knowing I can absorb stress others can’t.”_

_“In light of everything you’ve just said about the situation immediately following your parents’ death, would you still say that’s a skill or something you’ve simply conditioned yourself to do?”_

_Jellal turned his head to watch the spring rain pelt the window. “I don’t know.”_

_“You wanted to be the source of your sister’s shelter, but who was sheltering you?”_

_“Someone tried,” he muttered. “But I walked out on her, too.”_

* * *

 

**D E C E M B E R**

            The palms of Jellal’s hands were sweating as he dialed the familiar number. The phone appointment had been scheduled for a week and he’d squashed the impulse to cancel several times.

            “Hello, Jellal.” Doctor Milkovitch’s voice sounded exactly the same. “I wondered if you’d keep our appointment.”

            “I’ll be honest I considered canceling or just not calling in at all.”

            “What made up your mind to follow through?”

            Jellal sighed and tapped the speaker button on his phone and set it on the side table. “I remembered something you said about shouldering blame inappropriately and realized that I really did need closure.”

            “Does that realization bother you?”

            “A little.”

            “You’re allowed to tend to your own needs. It’s important to learn how to recognize them and seek out solutions.”

            “My sister is going to have a baby any day now.”

            “Is that why you left Crocus?”

            “Yes. I was afraid of coming back, but I think maybe it was the desire to support Meredy that made the decision for me. I didn’t admit it at the time, but I think I was also hoping to find contentment.”

            “Have you?”

            “I think so. Mostly. Things won’t be the same as they were before but I think I can be happy here. I’ve made peace with Simon’s sister.” He paused and tugged a loose string that hung off his blanket.

            “And?”

            “And Erza.”

            “Have you re-entered a relationship with her?”

            “No. Not yet, I mean. I’m… I’m working on it.”

            “I see.” Jellal smiled at the thought of Doctor Milkovitch scratching notes on a pad of paper. “Are the roadblocks new or old?”

            “I made some mistakes with her a few months ago and that took time to repair. It was a combination of both new and old things.”

            “In a situation like yours it’s best to have conversations before skipping ahead to sex. That can be damaging.”

            “I know that _now,_ but at the time… I wasn’t really thinking. Just feeling.”

            “You’ve had discussions since then, though?”

            “A few, yes. I think I needed to get to a place in my head where I didn’t feel so much guilt about the past.”

            “And have you found that place?”

            “She told me a couple months ago she didn’t want a relationship based on the past, but something entirely new. I think that’s what pushed me beyond the guilt. Erza won’t let me get near her if I’m stuck in reverse. I know that now.”

            “So you took some time to switch gears?”

            “Yes. This call was a part of that.”

            “I’m glad to hear it, Jellal. Our time is nearly up but I want you to know that you can make appointments in the future if you need to.”

            “Thank you, Doctor Milkovitch. I know I should probably find someone closer to home but –“

            “I don’t mind.”

            “I would say that I’ll talk to you again soon, but in a way, I hope that’s not true.”

            “I understand,” she chuckled. “Good luck with your family, Jellal.”

            “Thank you.” When Doctor Milkovitch ended their call, Jellal stared at his bedroom ceiling and smiled. Keeping the appointment had been the right thing to do.

* * *

 

            The bunk room was dark and Jellal felt like he’d just laid down when Kagura kicked the bed post.

            “Ready to be an uncle?” she asked.

            _“What?!”_ Jellal shot up in bed, suddenly wide awake.

            “Meredy just called in on the emergency line demanding we pick her up and take her to the hospital. She also mentioned there’s a mess on the bathroom floor she can’t bend over to clean up… so be prepared when you get home.” Jellal grabbed his coat and followed Kagura to their ambulance.

            The snow fell thickly and Kagura drove at a speed he felt unreasonably slow. She glanced over at him and smirked.

            “Have some patience over there, Fernandes.”

            “I knew I should’ve taken leave yesterday. I knew it. She was pale this morning when I checked on her.”

            “It’ll be fine, okay? This isn’t Crocus, and the ground to cover is small. You need to be calm because Meredy won’t be.” When they pulled into the driveway with lights flashing, Jellal leapt from the passenger seat to find Meredy anxiously clutching her hospital bag and picking through the snow covered yard.

            “How do you feel? Are you in pain?” He took her bag and helped her through the mounds of snow.

            “Of course I’m hurting, Jellal. I’m in labor,” Meredy’s voice shook, and he felt guilty for asking such a stupid question.

            “It’s going to be fine, Kagura is an excellent driver and I’ll sit with you in the back, okay?”

            “Okay,” she whispered. Jellal helped Meredy into the back of the ambulance and pulled the doors shut. She winced as she climbed onto the stretcher.

            “I have to secure your legs. I promise it won’t be long. Let me know when you’re having contractions. The doctor will want that information when we get to the emergency room.”

            Meredy suddenly grabbed his wrist and sunk her fingernails into his skin. “Now,” she bit out. “Right now.” Jellal choked back his surprise and pain, and glanced at his wristwatch.

            The ambulance was finally moving and when Meredy released his arm ninety seconds had passed. They hadn’t been on the road for more than five minutes before she grabbed his arm again to signify another contraction. Just as her grip loosened, the rig swerved and jerked to a stop. Jellal was thrown into the back wall, and Meredy exhaled sharply.

            “Are you okay?” he asked frantically, wondering what Kagura was doing.

            “I’m fine,” she groaned. “What’s going on?”

            “I don’t know.” Jellal reached for his radio and pressed the transmission button. “Mikazuchi, what the fuck is happening up there?”

            “I think we hit some ice and we’ve slid off the road. I can’t get the tires to do anything but spin.” Kagura’s voice crackled through the speaker.

            “Shit,” Jellal muttered and glanced back at Meredy. Her eyes were screwed shut and her chest was rapidly rising and falling. “Radio the station and get back here to help me. I need a hand.”

            “You need a hand with _what?_ You don’t mean the baby is coming _now?_ ”

            “She’s in active labor, Kagura. There’s been two contractions since we grabbed her from the house. This is happening very soon.”

            “Jellal –“ Meredy panted. “I don’t want to have my baby in the back of an ambulance.”

            “I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about that, right now. It’s either here in the bus or out in the snow.” He tugged on her coat sleeves. “Let’s get this off you so Kagura can get a look at what’s going on with the baby.” Meredy leaned as far forward as she could and Jellal pulled off the coat and helped her out of the sweater.

            She grabbed his arm again and Jellal noted her grip was increasing with every contraction. “Can I push now?” Meredy cried. “I feel like I want to.”

            “Just wait a minute and –“

            “Jellal.” Kagura’s voice came through on the radio.

            “Why the _hell_ aren’t you back here, yet?” he barked.

            “I’m trapped in the cab. The driver’s side door is right up against the tree that stopped our sliding and there’s a mountain of dislodged snow on the passenger.”

            _“Are you fucking kidding me?!”_ he spat into the radio. “I… I can’t…”

            “ _Listen!_ Don’t panic on me, Fernandes. The fire trucks are on their way but the snow is a problem, and they’ll still have to dig us out. I can talk you through some of this but you’ll need to deliver the baby yourself.”

            “Jellal, what’s she saying? What’s going on?”

            He sucked in a deep breath and turned to his sister. She was starting to sweat and her fingers were clenched in the sheet that covered the stretcher pad. He hadn’t ever anticipated this situation but there would be no getting around it.

            “Meredy…” With shaking hands he reattached his radio to his shoulder and moved to the foot of the stretcher. “I don’t want you to freak out, but I think it’s just going to be you and me. So I’m going to have to… determine where the baby… uh…”

            “Fucking hell, Jellal, just figure it out! This baby is coming and you’ll have to catch it!”

            “Okay I’m really sorry about this and –“

            Suddenly Meredy was glaring at him over her belly. “ _Listen to me._ I know you have a therapist that you talk to still and I don’t care if it takes a whole year of phone conversations in your room to get over it, but get your hands down there and tell me about my baby! I’m pushing now and you better be ready!”

            Jellal blinked in surprise. “Right. Of course.”

            Much to his relief the baby’s head made an appearance quickly, and with an eardrum-shattering scream from Meredy, his niece came into the world. Kagura instructed him on clearing the baby’s lungs and how to handle the placenta – which he found to be much more awkward than the actual birth. He wrapped the infant in a fresh sheet and stared down at the red and wrinkly face. The shock of everything that had just happened left him speechless.

            Meredy reached out to tug on his shirt sleeve. “Jellal,” she mumbled. “Where’s the baby?”

            “She’s here.” He placed tiny bundle in his sister’s arms and sat back on the bench beside her.

            “Thank you,” she whispered breathlessly as she cradled the baby against her chest. “Thank you.” Her smile was brilliant.

            When Laxus finally pried open the doors he had a team of anxious firemen and police officers behind him. Meredy waved tiredly and Jellal sighed in relief as his head fell against the ambulance wall.

            “Well done, Fernandes,” Laxus said gruffly. “Well done.”

* * *

 

            The entire evening seemed surreal. Upon arrival at the hospital, Meredy was whisked off for an examination and the baby had been properly washed and wrapped in a fluffy pink blanket. Jellal silently watched his sleeping niece through the nursery glass and wondered how on earth Meredy had managed to grow such a perfect human being inside of her body… and attempted to think _not at all_ about how she’d come out. He’d been told he could go home if he wanted, but he wasn’t quite ready.

            Erza spoke from beside him. “I heard you’re the man of the hour.”

            “Honestly, it was terrifying.”

            “It’ll make an interesting story for her one day, though,” she offered helpfully.

            “Maybe a decade from now when I get over having to pull a baby from my sister’s body. I’ll have nightmares about that for years, probably.”

            Erza stifled a laugh and slid her arm through his. “You’re a hero, Jellal. I’m very proud of you.” She sighed and watched the sleeping pink mound through the glass. “At least she looks more like Meredy than Erik. That’s a plus.”

            “True.” Jellal yawned and pressed his cheek against the top of Erza’s head.

            “Why don’t you go home?”

            “I probably should. I understand there’s a mess in the bathroom.”

            “Nah, I cleaned it up for you,” she said quietly. “Meredy called me when she went into labor and told me about her water breaking.”

            “Thank you, Erza. I don’t even know what to say.” Fatigue was settling in and he thought soon he’d be incomprehensible.

            “You don’t have to say anything. Let me take you home. I know you arrived in a half-wrecked ambulance and everyone else has gone.” Erza tugged on his arm. He glanced at the baby once more before following her out of the hospital.

            Jellal didn’t protest when Erza followed him into the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. He fell directly into bed fully clothed.

            “You’ll regret that later, Jellal.” She unlaced his boots and tugged them from his feet. “Come on, at least get into more comfortable clothes. You can’t go to sleep like that.”

            He grunted in response and rolled over before sitting up. Jellal pulled his shirt over his head and fumbled with his belt before giving up and falling back into the pillows. Erza sighed heavily and dragged him to his feet.

            “You’re impossible sometimes.” She unbuckled his belt and pushed him toward the bathroom. “I want you to have a shower, too. Now that you’re out of the hospital I can definitely smell birth on you.”

            “Erza that’s… how do you know what birth smells like?”

            “An ex-boyfriend’s dog had a whole litter of puppies in his bathtub one night and you smell exactly like the bathroom did the next morning.”

            “I’m sorry I asked,” he mumbled.

            Erza had been right. The shower was exactly what he needed. He was surprised when he found her perched on the edge of his bed after bathing.

            “Is it okay that I’m still here?” she asked quietly.

            “It’s fine, Erza. I’m glad you stayed.” He pulled clean sweat pants from a drawer and turned to her. “Are you going to watch me dress?”

            She flushed and stood. “No. I’ll get you something to eat.”

            Jellal laughed as she left the room. When he was clothed, he peeked out the window. The path he and Meredy had taken across the yard to the waiting ambulance had almost filled up again with snow.

            “What are you doing?” Erza’s hand was gentle on his arm as she gave him a sandwich wrapped in a paper towel.

            “I’m just thinking that Meredy left the house still pregnant and will come home with a baby in a couple of days. It’s… weird.”

            “It’ll probably be a little weirder for her. You guys will need to do some adjusting. Has she picked a name yet?”

            “I know she had a short list… I didn’t exactly think to ask at the time.” He grinned at her finishing off his sandwich.

            “Understandable.” She took his empty napkin and tossed it aside. “You should get some sleep. I know you were on the last leg of a three day shift when Meredy went into labor.”

            Jellal nodded and stretched out on his bed. Erza gathered her coat and switched off his bedroom light. After some quick consideration he called to her.

            “Do you think –“ She turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “I mean, would you mind if I asked you to stay with me?”

            “Jellal –“

            “I promise I won’t try anything. I’m far too exhausted to proposition you.” He smiled and held out a hand. “Please?”

            Erza stared at him in a silent debate before setting aside her coat and sitting on the edge of the bed. She removed her boots and slid under the blankets next to him. Jellal worked his arms around her and pulled her as close as possible.

            “I can’t believe you delivered Meredy’s baby today,” Erza whispered.

            “Me neither. I swear, if she has more kids they better be in the summer or spring… and she will be staying in the hospital a week in advance. I can’t go through that again. I can’t.”

            “I don’t think you can get her a room for that long, Jellal. Sorry.” She chuckled and ran her fingers through his damp hair. “You’re amazing and the baby is perfect.” Erza smiled and kissed his forehead.

            Jellal could do nothing but smile tiredly and press his face into her chest shamelessly. He thought maybe she wished him sweet dreams, but sleep took him so forcefully that he couldn’t really say for sure.


	9. Chapter 9

_“Recent romantic history aside, have you ever considered having a family of your own?”_

_“Not long after Erza and I started having sex, she joked that she’d never forget her birth control, because she was afraid of ending up barefoot and pregnant by the time she was twenty.” Jellal smiled sheepishly. “I’m ashamed to say the idea didn’t altogether disgust me.”_

_“Her parents provided her with contraception, then?”_

_“Ah, no.” He cleared his throat. “Erza’s parents… they weren’t around. Her mom wasn’t… great, and her dad… I honestly can’t remember what happened to him. She was mostly raised by her grandmother.”_

_“How did her grandmother feel about you?”_

_Jellal barked out a laugh. “She did not approve of our romantic relationship. In fact I’m pretty sure Erza’s birth control was an effort to make sure her granddaughter’s uterus was safeguarded against my delinquent sperm.”_

_“She saw you as a negative influence? How so?”_

_“I think in her opinion anyone but a golden boy like Simon would’ve been inferior to Erza. On more than one occasion I’d been caught climbing through Erza’s window – and I can see how that might have looked bad – but it was never for sex.”_

_“Since you’ve been away from Rosemary, have you thought on the subject of children at all?”_

_“Not really. I don’t think I’d be a very good father.”_

* * *

 

**J A N U A R Y**

            A sharp cry from Shellia’s crib disrupted his midnight quietude. He was still adjusting to not working at all hours for days at a time, and spent many late nights staring at the television. Meredy was asleep – a rarity as she insisted on handling all of the baby’s night feedings despite Jellal’s offers – and he hated to see her trudge downstairs in a state of disheveled exhaustion when he was already awake.

            At almost two months old Shellia was not a very good sleeper, which wasn’t entirely unexpected. She demanded feedings nearly every three hours and Meredy’s attempts at breastfeeding hadn’t been successful. If his sister was dismayed over the bottle feeding she didn’t openly display it. Jellal quickly mixed a small amount of warm water and powdered formula in a bottle and scooped Shellia from her crib. Her sobs were instantly quieted with the first mouthful of milk.

            With as much grace as possible he lowered himself into the glider chair and smiled when the baby sighed. She gazed up at him with her still-blue eyes and grunted enthusiastically as she sucked down the formula.

            “You know your mom threatened to throw up on me once for setting the porch swing in motion,” he said quietly. “You’re not going to do the same thing if I rock you in this chair, are you?”

            Shellia didn’t respond, of course, so he took a risk and gently moved the chair with his feet. She didn’t vomit on him during the feeding, or after, when he lifted her to his shoulder for a burp. Normally she’d fall right back asleep after a night feeding, but she seemed fascinated by his presence instead of her mother’s. Her quiet noises made him smile. One tiny hand clenched in a handful of his t-shirt.

            “Not tired yet, huh?” Jellal thought maybe his niece smiled, but he supposed it could just as easily be gas. “I know it’s still pretty early in the game,” he said quietly. “But I think we’re gonna be okay. I wasn’t sure about how all this would work out when your mom called me and said she was pregnant but… I think you’re the best thing that’s happened to us since your grandparents died.”

            Jellal rocked silently for a few moments watching Shellia’s fingers curl and uncurl in his shirt. “I’ll tell you about them someday, and I have a bunch of funny stories about your mom, too. I don’t think she’ll want me blabbing the embarrassing ones but that’s what favorite uncles are for, right?”

            Shellia’s eyes drooped, and she slipped back into sleep about an hour after she’d woken demanding a bottle. She stirred a little when he placed her back in the crib, but settled quickly once she had a pacifier in her mouth. Jellal snatched half of the baby monitor set and shut the nursery door as quietly as possible. When he turned Meredy was leaning against the archway that led to the living room and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

            “You scared the hell out of me, Meredy! What if I’d woken the baby?”

            She grinned and took the used bottle from him. “Favorite uncle, huh? You better _not_ go telling my daughter every dumb story in that head of yours.”

            “There’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

            Meredy smirked and led the way to the kitchen. Jellal watched her wash out the bottle and situate the pieces on the drying rack. “You’re really good with her, by the way. Sorry for sleeping through her crying.”

            “It’s fine, and I’m sure she would’ve responded to anyone who brought her a bottle the same way.”

            “Don’t underestimate yourself, Jellal. She likes you, and I think there’s something about your voice that calms her. Whatever it is, I appreciate your help.”

            Jellal shrugged. “It’s not a bi-“

            “Yes it is,” she interrupted. “It _is_.” Meredy wrapped her arms around her brother and sighed. “Thank you for everything. I don’t say it enough, but thank you.”

* * *

 

            Jellal was only partly awake when he heard Meredy let Erza in the front door. He couldn’t move due to a soundly sleeping baby on his chest and chose the less noble path of listening in on the conversation happening in the hallway.

            “Of course you can use our washer and dryer! Honestly, Erza, you don’t have to ask.”

            “I’m afraid it’s quite a bit of laundry. My water heater is almost completely shot now and I’ve been putting it off for a while.”

            “Erza –“

            “I know what you’re going to say.” Erza’s voice was quiet and despondent. “I just… I had this fantasy that I could fix everything and that’s looking impossible now.”

            “Hey, don’t cry…” The voices became too quiet for him to hear and he closed his eyes in frustration. He wanted to know what had brought Erza to tears and felt like a jerk for just assuming that all her problems were tied in with an insurance check – which was likely all but spent now on the rebuild of her restaurant.

            Jellal heaved himself into a sitting position and tried to move Shellia without disturbing her. The crib transfers were becoming more and more difficult as the baby was quite attached to sleeping on him. He suspected she preferred his chest to Meredy’s because her mother was too restless of a sleeper for co-sleeping to work. Nine times out of ten Jellal would wake in the exact same position he fell asleep.

            He found Meredy in the kitchen filling the dishwasher and when she turned to him she burst into laughter.

            “What?”

            “You have a giant drool spot on your shirt,” she choked out.

            “Yeah, well, that’s because your daughter drools in her sleep just as much as you do.”

            “I do _not_ drool in my sleep, Jellal. You take that back.” Meredy threw a kitchen towel in his face and stalked from the kitchen. Jellal pulled his t-shirt off and yanked back the curtain that hid the laundry room. Erza’s eyebrows flew up and she tossed a lacy pair of something into the washer before shutting the lid.

            “Do you often go around your house half naked?” She asked casually pushing past him.

            “What’s wrong with your water heater?” He could’ve been more tactful but he wanted to know why she’d been so upset before.

            “It’s just an old house, Jellal. It wasn’t going to last forever.”

            “Why don’t you move?”

            Erza scowled at him and crossed her arms defensively across her chest. “Because it’s the house I grew up in and… and the thought of leaving it for a tiny apartment depresses me.”

            Jellal deflated. “I’m sorry. That was shitty of me to ask.”

            “No, it’s fine. I’m just frustrated. I _know_ I should move but it’s a hard call for me to make. I have a difficult time letting go of certain things.”

            He watched her fidget awkwardly with the hem of her shirt and felt guilty for dragging the information out of her. “Erza, can we talk now? About you and me?”

            “Yes, but –“ She glanced over his naked torso. “You need to put a shirt on. It’s distracting.”

            Jellal leaned over the table and grinned. “I’m distracting?”

            “You _know_ you are. I can’t have a serious discussion with you if you refuse to dress appropriately.”

            Erza followed him up the stairs and when they passed Meredy’s room – where she was carelessly tugging pillows from cases – Jellal laughed and was nearly hit in the head with an expertly aimed wad of bedclothes.

            “What was that about?” Erza asked when she shut his bedroom door behind her.

            “Meredy drools in her sleep and is in denial.”

            Erza snorted and sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you still twelve years old or what?”

            “If she didn’t want me to make fun of her she wouldn’t have made a comment about the drool Shellia left on my shirt. She started it.” Jellal shrugged and pulled a fresh t-shirt from a drawer. When he turned to Erza she had a wistful smile on her lips. “What?”

            “Nothing. The way you two fight sometimes reminds me of when we were kids. It’s nice to see you so happy.”

            Jellal sighed and took a seat beside her on the mattress. “Erza, listen. I know you shut me down before when I brought up the night of the fair, but I need to get some stuff out and I need you to hear it.”

            Erza’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink and she stared down at her hands. “Okay. I won’t interrupt you this time.”

            “That phone call I told you I was avoiding?” He sucked in a deep breath. “It was to my therapist. I’ve had more than one, but Doctor Milkovitch has really been good for me. I needed some closure, and I don’t regret putting you off until I had it, but I _am_ sorry if I hurt your feelings that day.”

            “You didn’t,” she said quietly.

            “I’m also sorry for having no self-control last fall. There’s any number of discussions we should’ve had that night instead of what we did, and I feel responsible. I knew, at least for me, that I had no business pursuing you that way.” Erza frowned and opened her mouth to speak, but instead bit her bottom lip. “The problem is –” He paused and looked up at her again before standing and moving in front of the window.

            “What is it?” she asked.

            “I’m in love with you, Erza. I’m always going to be completely in love with you and I don’t think I’d change it if I could.”

            “Jellal –“

            “I know I’ve done a lot of questionable things, and I’m not asking you to let any of that go. I just thought you should know where I stand.” He stared out into the twilight, thinking that the driveway would need to be shoveled in the morning. “I know you and Meredy are close, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in your friendship with her.”

            “Oh, Jellal.” Her voice was closer than he expected, and he was surprised when her arms wrapped around him from behind. Erza pressed her cheek into his back and sighed. “You drive me crazy sometimes; you know that?”

            She slid around his side and under his arm. “Do you honestly think that I’d have let you pull me into your bed if I hadn’t wanted you to? Have you completely forgotten that it was me who asked to come inside in the first place? I think we _both_ knew I wasn’t here to see Shellia’s empty room. I agree that there were a million conversations we should’ve had instead but as I told you before, I don’t regret it.”

            “How could you not?” he whispered.

            “Do _you_ regret it?” Erza looked up at him, and Jellal felt her eyes search his.

            “I only regret that I made you cry afterward.”

            “I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t want pieces of what we had in high school, Jellal. You can’t try to be that guy again because you’re not. We’re both adults, and I want the man you are now.” Her hand covered the spot where the Saint Michael medallion sat against his chest beneath the t-shirt. “Are you still falling apart?” she asked quietly.

            “Not so much anymore. Things aren’t going to be perfect, Erza.“

            “Nothing is ever perfect, but I want to try.” She smiled up at him. “I love you too, Jellal. I don’t know that I ever really stopped. I tried to let you go… so hard.” She shrugged and hugged him tighter. “But I just can’t shake you off. And I don’t want to.”

            “I’m always going to have scars, Erza.”

            “But you’re not lost anymore.”

            “No, I’m not.”

            Erza pulled him down and kissed him possessively. Jellal closed his eyes and concentrated on everything about her. The previous September he’d been so focused on the sex, there hadn’t been much time for appreciation. She didn’t taste the same as she did in his dreams of the past – Erza had traded strawberry lip gloss for peppermint balm. His fingers tangled in her hair before falling down to her waist and grazing the exposed skin there. She wasn’t as thin as she had been when they were in high school, and he enjoyed the way her shape filled his palms.

            She pressed her body against him and grabbed handfuls of the shirt at his back. Erza’s aggressive kisses were intoxicating. When she pulled away, it took him a moment to recover.

            “If you stay with me tonight I’ll help you fold all your clothes,” he offered.

            “You’re so ridiculous.” Erza laughed and kissed him again. “I’d stay even without the bribe.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! Thank you to all the readers, commenters and especially my beta.

_Jellal sat restlessly in the waiting room. He wanted to leave but he also wanted to stay. The contradiction was making his heart race and his palms sweat. Anxiety aside, he knew the therapist was a good idea. Seven years prior, he’d had substantial success with a year’s worth of sessions before enrolling in college courses, but now things were different. The situation was both better and worse._

_He’d thought taking a paramedic’s career path would give him a foothold and make the shadow of death in his past dissipate, and for a while he felt like it had. It had only taken one drunk driver to completely destroy his peace. Now that the dream had been shattered, though, Jellal questioned its comfort altogether. Had it truly been peace or just a façade? He didn’t know what he wanted anymore, and that reality terrified him._

_The receptionist’s phone rang softly and he knew it was an in-house call. He’d be going back soon. The fire department had sent him a list of five doctors that would accept his insurance vouchers, but he’d chosen Doctor Milkovitch because her office was near the city park with all the purple blooms in the spring. He watched them every year, and tried to tell himself it wasn’t because his mother had grown the exact same plants in her garden behind the kitchen._

_“Mister Fernandes, Doctor Milkovitch will see you now.” The receptionist stood, escorted him down a short hallway, and opened the door to an office. He’d half expected a pretentious gold plate advertising her services, but there was none. The door quietly clicked closed behind him, and a woman with dark hair greeted him with a business-like smile._

_“Would you like me to call you Mister Fernandes?” she asked, and Jellal nearly laughed at the absurdity of her question. No one called him that._

_“Jellal is fine.”_

_“Have a seat then, Jellal.” She gestured to a loveseat situated across from a black office chair. “Generally I like to meet with my patients for one hour, once a week – or bi-weekly depending on their schedules. I understand you’ve taken a leave of absence…” She tapped his personnel file with her pen and glanced up at him. “Do you have any questions before we begin?”_

_“Uh, no questions, really. I’ve done this before, and yeah, I’m on leave.”_

_“You’ve done what before?”_

_“This. Therapy. Seven years ago when I first moved to the city.”_

_“Do you feel those sessions are pertinent to what we’re doing here?”_

_“I wouldn’t say they’re completely unrelated. I signed a release for the records to be sent to you.”_

_“I have the records, I just wanted to know if you were still having the same issues that pushed you to seek out therapy back then, or if what happened in March created a new set of obstacles for you.”_

_“I don’t think relapse is too harsh a term.”_

_“Why don’t we talk about how you’re feeling right now?”_

_Jellal grimaced and looked up at her. “Honestly? I feel completely lost.”_

* * *

 

**M A Y**

_Two years later…_

            Shellia’s hand just barely brushed the rim of the glass bowl. She stood on her toes and managed to curl her fingers around the bowl’s lip, just as Jellal appeared behind her and swooped her up by the waist with one arm.

            “Wow, you _almost_ got away with that, huh?” Shellia pouted and squirmed. “Hey, hey, none of that.” Jellal deposited her on the counter and oh-so-carefully placed the empty wine glasses in the sink. Erza would kill him if he broke even _one,_ as they’d been an expensive gift from one of her vendors.

            “Just a taste?” Shellia whined. “ _Please_ , Uncle J?”

            Jellal placed one hand on either side of his niece and put on his best Serious Face, as Shellia called it. “Your mom specifically said that you can’t have _any_ more sugar today or you’ll never sleep.”

            “But icing!” She crossed her arms across the chest of a dress that had remained miraculously clean despite the long day. “Not sugar!”

            “There is _too_ sugar in there! And anyway, that’s for Erza’s cakes and I don’t have a death wish, so I’m afraid you lose, kid.”

            “No cake for _me?_ ”

            “It’s cake with booze in it.” Jellal winked at her and began to rinse the wine glasses.

            “No fair.” Shellia swung her legs petulantly. “I want fun stuff, too.”

            “Aw, come on, most of the time you’re right in the middle of the fun stuff! You got to stay up for the party, didn’t you?”

            Shellia laughed. “A-cage-ment party!”

            “Uh, no.” He corrected. “ _Engagement_ party. There’s no cages.”

            “Can I have sparkles like Erza?”

            “I’ll get you something sparkly for your birthday, how’s that?”

            “Sparkles!” Shellia laughed and her gaze returned to the bowl of icing. “ _Please_ icing?”

            “No icing.” He turned back to her and she stuck her bottom lip out and angled away from him haughtily. Jellal remembered his sister pulling the same face many times when they’d been children. “How about instead of the icing you can have three stories tonight instead of one?”

            “Boring.”

            “I’ll ask Kagura if you can ride in the ambulance. How’s that?” he offered hopefully.

            “With lights _and_ sirens?” Shellia glanced over at him with slight interest.

            “Of course!”

            _“Boring.”_

            Jellal deflated. He wasn’t ignorant enough to not recognize manipulation, but he hated feeling like a boring old man in front of his niece. With a sigh of frustration, he peeked into the front hall where Meredy and Erza were saying goodbye to the last of their guests. “Okay listen,” he said quietly, reaching into the utensil drawer for a spoon. “You can have one spoon of icing but it’s got to be a secret, okay? If you tell your mom I gave it to you, I’ll deny everything and you’ll get in trouble for sneaking it.”

            Shellia nodded enthusiastically. Like the biggest kind of sucker, Jellal handed her the spoon with a sizable glob of icing. He snatched it from her the moment she’d licked it clean and tossed it innocently into the sink just as Meredy and Erza appeared in the doorway speaking quietly about the day’s events.

            “You ready for a bath, shortcake?” Meredy asked her daughter. Shellia reached for her mother who pulled the girl from the counter and into her arms. She blew Erza a kiss as Meredy carried her toward the living room and up the stairs.

            Erza approached the bowl of icing and glanced over into the sink.

            “You’re such an easy mark, Jellal,” she said as she stirred the violated bowl with a spatula.

            “Excuse me?” He was trying for indignation, but his voice cracked.

            “Shellia played you like a fiddle. It’s obvious you gave her some of this. Meredy is going to be angry.”

            Jellal shrugged. “She won’t find out about it. A spoonful of buttercream won’t keep Shellia awake… right?”

            “While you’re still alive, we need to talk about something.”

            “That’s a stretch, Erza. Meredy’s all bark and no bite.” He stood behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder. “What do you want to talk about?”

            Erza stirred the icing and remained thoughtfully silent. She didn’t speak until she set the spatula aside and left him by the counter to retrieve two cake rounds from the refrigerator.

            “I don’t want a long engagement, Jellal.”

            “Okay.” He nodded in agreement and slid his hands into his pockets. Erza popped the first round from the tin and placed it on the cake stand.

            “It seems overly dramatic and stupid. I’ve been living here for a year now and no one will be surprised if we married tomorrow.”

            “Uh… _tomorrow?_ ” Jellal blinked.

            “I don’t mean that _literally_. I’m just saying.” She carefully spread the icing on the surface of the first round and turned to place the second on top.

            “You seem really fixated on this idea for it to be just about not dragging things out. What’s bothering you?”

            Erza frowned and focused on icing the cake. Jellal watched her work through her feelings as the spatula made several dips into the bowl. She expertly evened out the layers of icing.

            “My birth control prescription will need to be refilled in three months.”

            “Okay…?”

            She tossed the spatula in the sink and turned to him. “I want kids of our own, Jellal. We’re twenty-eight now and I feel like I’m ready… and I don’t want to look like a cow in my dress. No matter how long we’ve lived together –” Erza rambled and fidgeted with the towel she used to wipe the icing from her fingers. “People always judge a pregnant bride! And what if I can’t get pregnant? I want to know so we can… explore other options.” She glanced up at him with an irritated expression. “Do you not share this urgency?”

            “I’ll be honest; I never really considered the possibility of fertility issues. And… well, I just figured you’d stop taking your pills whenever you wanted to have a baby.” Jellal shrugged and Erza’s frown deepened. “Are you upset with me?”

            “So you were just waiting for _me?”_

“Kinda, yeah. This has been a rough two years for you. The new restaurant took some time to get going, the sale of your grandmother’s house was a nightmare, and I know all those court hearings over the custody of Shellia weren’t a happy time for you.”

            Erza pulled her hair from its knot and sighed. “Yeah that was kind of an ugly flashback. At least Shellia’s ending was happier than mine.”

            “Erza,” Jellal said quietly as he pulled her into an embrace. “Your parents didn’t deserve to ruin your life any more than they already had. I know your grandmother was old, but she cared about you. Meredy would’ve understood if you didn’t want to be in court.”

            “I didn’t want her to be there by herself and I don’t regret going.” Erza pulled back from him and stared up earnestly. “We’ll be better parents than that, right? I never want our kids or Shellia to feel like I did.”

            “Listen, Erik is completely out of the picture now. He has no rights to her whatsoever. And there is no way we will be anything like your parents. I mean –“ He grinned. “The bar is set pretty low on that front already, but we’ll do better.”

            “Let’s try to get this wedding business done before I run out of pills.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and Jellal leaned down to kiss her.

            “What the _hell_ , Jellal?” Meredy stormed into the kitchen. Her shirt was splotched with water and bubble bath suds. “Maybe you’d like to explain to me why Shellia is attempting backflips on her bed?”

            “Backflips?” he spluttered. Erza laughed and returned to her cake.

            “Did you give her sugar?” Meredy stalked toward him and poked him in the chest painfully.

            “I swear it was only –“

            “Oh, my _god!_ You _know_ she gets like this with even a pinch of sugar after six!” She glared at him so angrily he thought maybe he might not live to see his own wedding. “You know what? This is your problem. _Go put your niece to bed_. I’m done.”

            Jellal slunk from the kitchen and found Shellia jumping on her bed shrieking with laughter. The betrayal stung, but not as much as the realization that he’d been played and lost. Even with the lights turned out, it took her an hour to calm down.

            “Hey,” Erza whispered and nudged his shoulder.

            “Hm?” Jellal startled from sleep.

            “Are you going to sleep in this bed tonight?” She giggled softly and tugged on his hand. “Your back will hate you in the morning.”

            “Yeah, I’m coming.” Erza helped him to his feet. Before leaving Shellia’s room he switched on the night light that scattered tiny stars all across her walls and ceiling. Once they were in the hallway he slumped into Erza side and groaned. “No more sugar after six. _Ever._ ”

            “You did kind of deserve that. I’m glad you learned your lesson, though.” Her fingers carded through his rumpled hair.

            Meredy was stretched across the couch on the living room and paused her phone conversation long enough to glare at him as he passed through. The person she was speaking with commanded her attention, though, and her expression slid into a grin.

            “Sorry, what? I was distracted by my idiot brother,” she said as he followed Erza up the stairs.

            “Who’s she talking to?” he asked.

            “Who do you think?” Erza replied with a smirk.

            “That cop again? Fullbuster’s stepbrother?” Jellal scowled. “I don’t like him.”

            “You don’t need to,” she said sweetly. “He’s trying to date Meredy, not you. Stay out of it.”

            “But he’s older than her!”

            “ _And?_ Lyon is a nice guy and you need to leave it alone.”

            “How do you know he’s a nice guy?” Jellal asked petulantly.

            “I’ve met him many times, and don’t forget that I went out with Gray for a while. I’m telling you Meredy could do a whole lot worse.”

            “Yeah, well…” He trailed off realizing he didn’t want to take that conversation any further.

            “Are you going to brood all night or are you going to come to bed?” Erza asked from behind him. Jellal yanked off his shirt and turned around.

            Since proposing to her a month before he hadn’t ever grown tired of the sight of the engagement ring on her finger. It seemed to compliment every piece of clothing she owned, including pajamas. However, there was nothing he preferred more than the way it looked when it was all she wore. With a grin he crawled across the mattress toward her.

            “I am definitely done brooding,” he said before kissing her fervently.


End file.
